Review of 2005 Resolution

Haha.... guess what? Today is 3 Dec 2005.... another year coming to an end.
Took account of my resolutions achieved since beginning of the year.
Lets see....

1. Work hard, improve and pass my Lvl 3.
Done

2. Settle family matters and support mum n siblings
Done

3. Give more time to mum
Did talk and communicate more with her

4. Monitor expenses and go for LASIK ops
Done

5. Maintain healthy lifestyle, go gym
Okie lar, a bit lazy towards the end... :p

6. Let nature take its course in my Love department
Mist clear, can see better.... still lots of room for improvement. But hey, at least I got 1 thing outta my mind k?

Wah!! Think this is the first time, I managed to achieve all my New Year resolution!!

*a round of applause pleases* :p

Good, good, think after the course from TCC, I can focus and work towards the objectives set. Shall continue to have The Courage to Create.... V^_^

The 5 people you meet in heaven

Finished reading the book in 3 hours...now I dun know what books to read liao -_-"....

A very good book. But is it till after death then you know your purpose in living and doing the things you do all your life? I do believe things happen for a reason. Its just whether you got the meaning earlier or later. Guess life is a journey of self exploration. There are so many things to discover about yourself and how to overcome and make sense of all things happening ard you.

Able to be at peace with oneself is so difficult. 空亦是色，色亦是空。看破红尘，我功力还不够深 .....

Hotel New World

Duh.... can you imagine I just spent 5 hours (over 2 days) reading Night Fall by Nelson Demille and what a GREAT disapointment it was!! :( Story with no ending...... no wonder its selling at half price when its published date was 2004....

Wasted my eyesight and time.... hummp.

Okie, back to what I really wanted to write today. Saw the episode of True Courage Hotel New World when having our Emergency Behaviour lecture. It happened in 1986 and that was the first time a building collapsed in Singapore. It really was a mind-shattering accident and left very deep impression in our nation man untill today. We can see how the nation bend together, helping in what small ways we can, with the rescue work and some aunties cooking and bringing food for the rescue workers. It was a tragedy. What was most heart-wrenching was the ger named Angela Chew.... she was only 2 meters away from the rescuers when the make-shift tunnel dug by the MRT experts (most of them expats but risk their lives to dug the tunnels to the surviours) collapsed. 10 hours were wasted because of the collapse and the next time they came into contact with her, she had already bleed to death..... I can really empathise with the rescuers and doctors .. a life had slipped out of their hands when they were so near yet so far away from her. She was only 20. Can you imagine the surviours had to endure whatever torment they had physically and mentally for as long as 82 hours for some? Guess people perform miracles in times of adversity.... you never really know your limit or the best/ worse in you unless you are thrown into that situation.

I was only 9 years old then. I can still remember my tots at that time... I was thinking, why aren't I older, I would have lended my hands to the rescue work back then. Maybe that unconsciously geared me into choosing my present career. Somemore I still had the ambition of being a nurse at that point of time. Did I ever mentioned my ambition was to be a nurse when I was like in Pri 1?? I carried that all the way into my secondary school days untill my mum managed to brainwashed me... :p But as fate would have it.... I am back in the medical line and got a even better deal, a mixture of medical and adventure.. YEAH!!;)

Frankly I just realised regardless whether I don a uniform or not... I am still sticking to an organisation....... no prize for guessing rite.... with uniform. Dun ask me why this fetish with uniforms..... I can't answer you.. :p I need action, I need gung-ho-ness. Can't live without it.... perhaps due to the deduction that I was a man in my previous life?? Hahahhaa.... I am more suited to be a man -_-".

Anyway, done with this disappointing Demille book. Shall get started on "5 people you meet in heaven" which I borrowed from Joan.....

*like writing blogs cos there are so much feelings and issues I wanna talk about. You know, some times you can't keep harping to your audience... they will need ear plugs cos I know I have this bad habit of repeating the same thing over and over again to get it out of my system, be it good or bad.... :p

Rainny nite

Its a good nite. Its currently raining heavily outside and I love it. Have always loved rainny days or nights (especially heavy rain) for that matter. Loved the wind, the breeze, the sound of rain pattering ard me..... :) Not fogetting the redden sky at nite and the greyish sky by day. Have you ever noticed how beautiful the sky is when it is totally grey in color?? I like that feeling and sight....够诗情画意 :p

Maybe not so much if I was caught in it lar....hahahaha...

A very good time to smuggle up my bed and read a book... mmmmmm....

And I am feeling lazy to prep my uniform and boots for tml's drill... -_-"

Hang on little tomato

A very nice song by Pink Martini..... an inspirating song when you are feeling down.... :)

Hang on Little Tomato

The sun has left and forgotten me
Its dark, I cannot see
Why does this rain pour downI m gonna drown
In a sea
Of deep confusion

Somebody told me, I dont know who
Whenever you are sad and blue
And you are feeling all alone and left behind
Just take a look inside and you will find

You gotta hold on, hold on through the night
Hang on, things will be all right
Even when its dark
And not a bit of sparkling
Sing-song sunshine from above
Spreading rays of sunny love

Just hang on, hang on to the vine
Stay on, soon you will be divine
If you start to cry, look up to the sky
Somethings coming up ahead
To turn your tears to dew instead

And so I hold on to his advice
When change is hard and not so nice
You listen to your heart the whole night through
Your sunny someday will come one day soon to you

http://hd3.15150.com/banzou/2005_11_21/16924_13225952.mp3

I dun like to be misunderstood

Went back to stn to say farewell to Rota 1 & 4. Knew Enick Ivan is on duty today (coincide with Rota 1 & 4) so went there especially to see him. He was asking why din see me ard for so long and when I left, he sms me that he is gonna miss me.... so sweet of him... :) Guess he is quite fond of me, I am fond of him too. He was like a uncle figure to me and I respect him.

Waited for Sam and my mentor too. Too bad Syukri (medic) was on leave, can't eat my chocolates... :p Talked a bit with my mentor. Think he gonna miss me too...heee. Asked me to walk with him for the last time to the bus-stop "Since I posted here, nobody walked with me except you.." Although he is not a very popular person, he is good to me. I still keep the consoling SMS he sent me when I told him I failed my practical *Gam Dong*. Maybe as Syukri said before, we are both very funni and strange ppl that is why we can be mentor and mentee....hahahaha.

Maybe..... like I said, not a lot of ppl can accept me, only a few can really understand me and accept me for what I am. I never harm anyone, I never gossip or stab ppl behind their back. Maybe I did without me knowing, but it was never intentional. That has been always the way this world work doesn't it? I hate being misunderstood. My communication problem? The way I put my thots across? I never meant anything bad in my comments or questions. Hahaha... it takes Charlie a good 2 - 3 years before he can accept my lingo or what I am trying to say, but when things get hot, he will forget too. Perhaps I should not speak so much and just keep quiet (which was what I did when I wanted acceptance from my platoon mates) even extending to those whom are considered as frends but dun understand me. Maybe that is the reason why I never have a lot of frends. My problem.... maybe I was too sensitive towards how ppl view me? That is a very good consolation. Ha. Maybe all the while I have been a self-centered bitch who never really put in her efforts to nuture frendships. But you dun just find any Tom, Dick or Harry rite? At least there must be chemistry.... but sometimes you think there is, the other party think otherwise. *shrug*

Looking for acceptance..... looking for acceptance, ger, its time you let it go and embrace your true self. If not, it is just gonna be a viscious cycle that you cannot run away from. Have the courage to face it alone.... if you have to.

PS. Went to temple to pray today and got a good lot for my yin yuan. Stated sunshine after the rain, things will get better as I got to see more clearly after the hazy period. Real zhun wor....give up liao.... heee

Graduation Speech

Okie, to prevent any misunderstanding, the following was an extract from our best trainee, Joan's webbie.

"Sometime this morning i was given instructions to write a speech for the best
trainee.

For keepsakes:

Good afternoon... blah and blah...this day would
not have been possible without the combined and dedicated efforts of our
instructors and course commander.

To our mentors, who nurtured us through these trying times.

You have been a brother, a sister, a leader, a teacher and a friend. Classroom lessons are never enough by themselves.

You are the ones who took our skills from our classrooms to the streets. Every ambulance call was a learning experience, with each call we steadily gained confidence and professionalism, arming ourselves with indispensable skills that would serve us well in the future.

To our instructors,

you took us from MOPs to AEDs, from oral airways to LMAs. We know many a times we have made your blood boil, with our incessant questioning and exasperating mistakes. But your patience finally prevailed. We are here today, grateful to you, unselfishly sharing with us your invaluable experience and knowledge. You taught us what it is to be a leader, a buddy and a friend to those in need.

During our stressful times through this one and a half years, we have been through many regrets and achievements and you have been there, pillars of strength to see us through.

To our loved ones,

for their unwavering support. All these would not have been possible without
you.

We stand here before you today, eager and ready to face the trails and
tribulations that stand in our way. This Christmas, as church goers and carol
singers fill the streets of Singapore, there will be a new bunch of us, zipping
through the streets, sirens blasting and lights ablaze, so that those that need
us can live to see another Christmas.

Through our hard work and determination, we have earned oursevles a name that we are proud of. A name that is synonymous with life saving - Paramedics."

I cried when she was delivering it....especially the last 2 para....*sob sob*

Yeah, it was a long way for us......

Pass final hurdle liao!!

YEAH!!!! Finally after 18 mths of training...... I am a paramedic liao!! *beaming* Passed my retest.... :p

The training part of the career has ended, but the real challange has just begun. Now I am all on my own liao.... challanging, challanging... >:(

But really glad I passed by training..... finally can sleep soundly after 2 mths of metal stress. Gotta rest properly. 休息是要走更长的路...... a new pharse of my career.

The terrible truth

Hmm.... complaint to a frend yesterday abt some things but it ended up being I was the culprit! He told me instances and a few situations that he find funni and irritated by me. So it seems like I shan't be complaining and should reflect upon myself instead.

I also know I have been acting weirdly recently..... and I know the reason why. What I dun realise is that how annoying I was. That explain some of the reactions ppl have towards me recently. *shrug* Well, sometimes humans are so 泛贱, need to do and learn it the hard way.... I do that. You know your faults but it takes a lot of discipline to change that. You won't do it unless something happens lor...

A good nite to reflect on it. I hope it is not too late to savage the situation. I am learning to improve myself...... V^_^

Back to SMM

Aha! Last day of attachment to Alexandra Hospital le. Hmm.. learnt quite a lot especially during the tour of A&E department. Did IM (intermuscular) injection.... V^_^. We were also attached to the wards to learn more about the aftercare and the presentations of the patients for various conditions.

Not forgetting the cute male nurse.... hur hur hur... :p

Anyway, we will be going back to SMM for the last few days of our course. Finally finished my case study report for handing up and presenting after 2 nites of "drive nite car" -_-"...

Let's see what we will be doing, we still have the AED (shocking of patient) protocol to learn and to be tested. My medical retest will be on Friday, and presentation of our case study. Then next Monday will be our finals and if we pass, graduation will be on Tuesday!!!!

That's all for now folks... gotta catch some beauty sleep now....

Paramedic

Today was the second day for my EV. Ridzwan took the first call for his evaluation and there I was sitting in the station kaypoing in front of the cubicon system (a system that records all our ambulance calls). Scrolling, scrolling thru and saw a lot of cases, mostly fall and injured, complaint of very sick etc. My station ambulance got a collapsed case... haizzz.. life of a paramedic...

Saw the incident text for a mass casualties case (the tampines playground on fire case) and the one of the Red Rhino and taxi..... its a sad case.. tsk tsk..

Come to think of it, life as a paramedic is really a challenging job. Timely and correct treatment, decisive in decision making, command & control of the situation, patient management,all these with a 3-man crew. Not forgetting to throw in PR skills (we are dealing with public here) in providing good customer service. If not, will tio complaint letter, which is the better of the other evil of direct write-in to newspaper... -_-"

It re-enforced in me the pressure of being a EAS on the road. Always expect the unexpected while on the road, do not believe in what the call text state.. the caller might say its a case of fainted, but its a collapse case when you reached the scene. Also, you must master the art of "keeping" your "treasure" if you are in toilet halfway when the alarm sound for an ambulance call.... haha. Many a times your packet of lunch will take you 2-3 hours before you can finished the food, that is if you are unlucky and got proceed to another call.

Frankly, we do understand the fustration and anxiety of the public when sometime happens, but there are situations which are beyond our control, eg. traffic congestion or no nearest ambulance is available. Much as we wanted to get to the patient as fast as we can, somtimes, situations dun allow us. Please do not think we take our own sweet time to attend to our patients, we know more than anybody how crucial time is to our patient. Which is why public education is VERY VERY important on using of the EAS. By abusing the EAS, people are depriving of real emergency cases that genuinely require more of the service...... and not forgetting to give way to ambulance that has the siren and becon lights blasting away. We dun turn them on for laughter, peace and joy.....

After all these bubblish... I am still looking forward to being a crew leader of an ambulance. The REAL challenge has just begun.....

Final EV almost over!!

K... got to go for a few calls before being assessed for my EV. 2 unconcious calls for hypoglycemia (low blood sugar level) first thing in the morning. 1st case was a stable case, patient regained conscious after given some sugar water by passerby. 2nd one was a standby case, hypocount was 1.2 mmol and we couldn't get the vein to set in the glucose!! Cos the patient was obese and we couldn't see the veins.... -_-"

Anyway, no calls for the rest of the afternoon, was thinking that I might not be able to do my EV today afterall. Then came the call at 1915hrs. Case of RTA (road traffic accident), pedestrain hit by a lorry, did my spinal and such... but dun think I did very well for this call. I din managed to get the IV (drip) in.... :(

Just as we were abt to return to the station, we were called to proceed to another case of chest discomfort. And the most incredible thing is..... that was the same COPD patient that Joan had for her EV last Friday!!! Can you beat that?? 2 buddies got the same patient for their EVs... hahahaha.. then for this case, okay lar..... not too impressive but also not too bad, so so lor...

Hmm.... a bit tired liao... now left the medical retest and final theory and practical.
Jia you, Jia you!!! >:(

九种爱情的感觉

当你爱上对方时，应该会有这九种情感，才能算是一个真实的爱情，最起码，你应该扪心自问，将来是否有可 能培养出这样的情感来，才能确保你拥有一个真的爱情。

一、生理上的性冲动： 　　
当我们对一位异性产生兴趣或爱上某个异性时，希望彼此有身体上的接触。在真实的爱情生活里，这种欲望是 永远存在的。性冲动并不单单只是行为，它还包含了许多其它亲密的身体上接触，譬如牵手、拥抱等等，这种情感 会永远都存在爱人的心里。

二、美丽的感觉： 　　
在有爱情的时候，我们会觉得对方最好看，即使有别的异性比你所爱的对象好看，但对你而言，他（她）才是 最好看的，而且是别人无法相比的。

三、亲爱的感觉： 　　
当你真正爱上一个人，你会有一种很亲切的感觉，他让你觉的很舒服，你可以信任他、依靠他。他像是一个亲 密的家人，甚至可以说，比一个家人更亲密，这是亲密加上一种温馨的感觉，就是亲爱的感觉。在这爱情国度里， 他不会挑剔你的瑕疵，因为他愿意包容你所有的缺点。

四、羡慕及尊敬的感觉： 　　
一个健康的爱情关系，应当有以对方为荣的感觉，我们会去欣赏对方内在和外在的条件和优点。而且对方也处 处以我们为荣。如果我们能有这种感觉，不论他是成功或失败，都会使我们欣赏他的才华。

五、赞许的爱情： 　　
当相爱的时候，我们喜欢夸奖对方，而且不仅是欣赏而已，还喜欢对他人夸奖对方，从夸奖对方的热诚之中， 我们可以因此感到无比的快乐。

六、受到尊重的自尊： 　　
一个健康的爱情关系，可以提高一个人的自尊心。让对感觉到活得更有价值，因为爱情使你觉得你有无人可比 的独特性，虽然你有优点也有缺点，但是你的独特性使你受到无比的尊重，生命因此而有了价值。

七、占有欲： 　　
爱情是绝对独占的，不能与人分享亲密的男女关系。所以需要以结婚来持续一份爱情，在结婚时彼此相约相许 。因此在真实爱情里，互相许诺忠诚是必要的。

八、行动自由： 　　
如果个人有正当的理由，他行动的自由一定要受到尊重，才不会破坏两人之间的爱情关系。

九、深重的同情心： 　　
我们对深爱的人常会有怜惜的感情，经常会为对方考虑，如果对方受到挫折，我们会非常愿意与他分担痛苦和 挫折，把对方的苦当作自己的苦难一样，或者更胜于自己的苦难，因为我们愿意为对方而牺牲自己的 利益

Quotes About Life

A bit X-rated.... but funni. Hahaha....

01) Confucius said, "Squirrel who run up woman's leg surely won't find nuts.
02) When I was born, I got a choice - a big dick or a good memory. I can't remember which one I chose...
03) Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
04) My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects.
05) Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
06) There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop ... unless they are used together.
07) Panties are not the best thing on earth; they're next to the best thing on earth.
08) There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
09) Virginity can be cured.
10) Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,you'd better have a good hand.
11) I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
13) Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
14) Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 31/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
15) Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many menstill sleep with their wives !!!
16) Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
17) A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......
18) Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
19) Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps witheveryone except you.

男人要有肉

鼻头要有肉，鼻头有肉的男人既有欲也有财，衣食无忧；
嘴唇要有肉，厚嘴唇的男人为人厚道，薄嘴唇的男人通常都很薄幸；
下巴要有肉，下巴有肉，除了可以让你捏他下巴之外，他的晚年也会过得不错，可以照顾你； 耳朵要有肉，耳大肥厚，是长寿的征相，他长寿，就可以和你厮守终身，最幸福的就是可以比你爱的人先死，他那 么长寿你的愿望不难达成；
脸颊要有肉，双颊凹陷的男人不是太可怕吗？　　
肩膀要有肉，可以让你舒舒服服的把下巴搁上去；　　
背部要有肉，可以随时背你；　　
胸前要有肉，可以挨得住女人几拳；　　
手掌要有肉，手掌肥厚的男人会很富有，不用女人养他；
双腿要有肉，两条枯树枝一样的腿太没有安全感；　　
最重要的是屁股要有肉，屁股大而有肉的男人最顾家，小屁股的男人多半靠不住；　　
他那颗心，当然也要是肉造的，只有这样，他的心才容易被你打动；
那么
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结论：找头猪准没错！

LOL.....

張小嫻 的愛情

*不要愛上一個看來不會愛上你的人﹐那就不用失望。 有些失望是無可避免的﹐ 但大部份的失望﹐都是因為你高估了自己。*迷戀一個人﹐就像中了魔一樣﹐ 不由自主﹐ 再怎麼聰明的人﹐也會不惜一切掏空自己所有感情﹐一旦醒來﹐已經沒有剩餘的感情了﹐變成無情是很理所當然的事。

*有些情意﹐轉瞬即逝﹔ 有些情意﹐ 得以延續﹐ 發展成愛情﹐ 長路漫漫﹐ 最後也許會消逝﹐ 但你不會忘記﹐ 你曾在一瞬間愛上一個人﹐那是多麼浪漫的一件事。

*我們每一個人都是被有條件地愛著﹐也是有條件地愛著別人﹐ 不必心灰意冷﹐ 既然知道世上沒有無條件的愛﹐ 你應該努力使自己更具備條件去被愛﹐同時也該學習忘記一些條件去愛一個人。

*放棄一個很愛你的人並不痛苦﹔放棄一個你很愛的人﹐那才痛苦。愛上一個不愛你的人﹐ 那是同樣痛苦。

*暗戀是卑微而從來不高尚﹐美化暗戀的人只是無法愛自己多一點。

* 如果情感和歲月也能輕輕撕碎﹐ 扔到海中﹐ 那麼﹐ 我願意從此就在海底沉默... 你的言語﹐ 我愛聽﹐ 卻不懂得﹐ 我的沉默﹐ 你願見﹐ 卻不明白...

*只有一天壽命的愛情從來沒有機會變壞。

* 一生一世是那個人背叛了你﹐ 你仍然希望他回到你身邊。

* 男人總是自以為是﹐ 他們不肯離婚﹐ 還以為自己很高尚﹐ 他們以為那個女人找不到比他更好的男人﹐ 卻不明白﹐ 男人不愛一個女人﹐ 卻遲遲不肯放手﹐ 只是在剝奪她找到一個更愛她的男人的機會。

*帶給你快樂的那個人﹐ 就是也能帶給你痛苦的人。

* 愛一個人﹐ 是你必須有一點兒恨他﹐ 恨他令你無法離開他。

*越想佔有﹐ 越容易失去。 愛是儘量佔有和儘量避免失去之間的平衡。

* 嫉妒可以獨立存在﹐ 但是愛﹐ 必然和嫉妒並存﹐ 正如失望在幸福裡存在。

* 失望﹐ 有時候也是一種幸福﹐ 因為有所期待﹐ 所以才會失望﹐ 因為有愛﹐才會有期待﹐ 所以縱使失望﹐ 也是一種幸福﹐ 雖然這種幸福有點痛。

*不望著令你流淚的東西﹐ 那是唯一可以不流淚的方法。

* 男人偽裝堅強﹐ 只是害怕被女人發現他軟弱。 女人偽裝幸福﹐ 只是害怕被男人發現她傷心。

* 如果有一天﹐ 我們在路上重逢﹐ 而我告訴你﹐ 「我現在很幸福。」﹐ 我一定是偽裝的。 如果只能夠跟你重逢﹐ 而不是共同生活﹐ 那怎麼會幸福呢﹖ 告訴你我很幸福﹐ 只是不想讓你知道其實我很傷心。

*世上最遙遠的距離﹐ 不是生與死的距離﹐ 不是天各一方﹐ 而是我就站在你面前﹐ 你卻不知道我愛你.. * 我們的愛和傷痛﹐ 是因為世上只有一個他。

*世上最無法掩飾的﹐ 是你不愛一個人的時候的那種眼神。

* 如果愛情有十分﹐ 有幾多分是酸﹐ 幾多分是甜﹖ ...是十分的酸﹐ 一分的甜...沒有那十分的酸﹐ 怎見得那一分的甜有多甜﹖

* 愛情使人忘記時間﹐ 時間也使人忘記愛情。

* 喜歡一個人和不喜歡一個人都是因為同一些理由。

* 對一個女人來說﹐ 愛情和承諾是不可分開的﹐ 她愛的是男人的承諾。

* 愛一個跟自己相似的人不算偉大﹐ 愛一個跟自己不相似的人﹐ 才是偉大。

* 女人用愛佔有男人﹐ 男人用佔有來愛女人﹐ 到了後來﹐ 大家都分不出到底是愛還是佔有。

* 歲月流逝﹐ 不變的夢想﹐ 是能夠擁抱自己心愛的人﹐ 也擁抱他的微笑和哭泣

* 每個女人都認為她所愛的男人是最好的。

* 我們從分離的思念中領略相聚的幸福。 我們從被背叛的痛苦中領略忠盏碾y能可貴。 我們從失戀的悲傷中領略長相廝守的深情。

* 有些愛情只是幻像﹐ 我們以為自己不能離開那個人﹐ 後來卻發現﹐ 要離開他﹐ 並沒有想像中那麼困難。 要忘記他﹐ 也幾乎不需要花甚麼功夫。 有些愛情卻不是幻像﹐ 我們以為自己可以忘記那個人﹐ 因為愛情發生的時間只是那麼短暫。 然而﹐ 我們後來卻發現﹐ 要忘記他﹐ 比想象中困難許多。

為何未遇上另一半?

我們常常懷疑自己，明明條件不差，為什麼偏偏沒有另一半； 那些不那麼漂亮，不那麼可愛，不那麼幽默的人， 反而擁有令人羨慕的感情，為什麼呢？

我想 … 是因為 … 我們都太小心、太謹慎、太不敢去愛了吧 …。

我們將自己的感情包裝的好好的， 不讓對方發現， 為了所謂的矜持與害怕， 選擇等待 … 選擇放棄 … 選擇錯過 …為何未遇上另一半?。

偶爾我也會為獨自一人的日子感到空虛， 雖然身邊同性或異性的好朋友總是支持著自己， 卻有種模糊不清的不安全感與不確定感 … 我真的夠好嗎？有時我不禁自我懷疑 …。

面對愛情，處於被動，一向是種最安全的方式， 而且 … 輕鬆 … 於是為了寂寞，為了尋求陪伴， 我們不免會考慮起那些有勇氣對自己表白、先付出心意的人， 無論結局是好是壞 … 對自己的傷害都不那麼大。

因為「是對方追我的」， 因為「我沒有像他喜歡我那麼深。」 被愛很幸福 … 可以接受、可以拒絕、可以有面子。 於是我們總是等著人家來愛， 但是 … 當我們發現沒辦法愛上對方時呢？ 又或是我愛的人永遠都不說愛我呢？ 我該接受那段不期盼的感情， 還是勇於追求自己的幸福呢？

想著過去感情生活的空白， 我發現那時的自己， 既不敢接受愛我的人的情感， 也不肯去追求心動的對象， 只是偷偷希望對方能主動… 難怪 … 我會這麼的寂寞 …。

這是因為 … 我不給別人也不給自己 … 任何的機會 …。

「現在的男孩不是騎士，現在的女孩也不是灰姑娘。」 當我翻起自己高中時代寫的日記時， 心中突然湧起好多的感觸。 過去的傲氣消逝的同時， 有些事卻不曾改變， 現在的男孩確實不一定有勇氣追求自己喜歡的女孩， 現在的女孩也不一定需要等待白馬王子的邀約。

但是 … 在這個大家都那麼脆弱的時代， 或許男男女女都選擇了沉默。 我們在曖昧的界線中遊走，不太近、也不太遠 … 在若有若無的暗示中，期盼對方的回應 …。

我承認我是這樣的 …… 但這樣會錯失多少可能的幸福呢？ 很羨慕很佩服 … 那些勇敢坦率說出自己的心意，表現自己的情感的人。 不管是男孩對女孩，或是女孩對男孩， 他們都對自己諏嵉暮每蓯郏?

或許會為了愛情而興奮得整夜難以成眠， 或許會傷心得淚流滿面， 然而 … 比一再的遺憾 … 來得精彩吧！

我想我們都應該更勇敢些、更堅強點， 不能因為害怕傷害 … 就乾脆不去愛了 …。 喜歡一個人，何必在意先說出口， 想跟一個人牽著手一直一直走下去， 分享自己的喜怒哀愁， 這樣美麗的心情，難得一見 …。

我們都要學著更溫柔 … 對愛我們或我們愛的人 … 認真接受、認真付出， 遺憾與後悔，比什麼都讓人難過。

別讓幸福 … 又由身邊流失了 … 要 … 更珍惜所有的一切!

It is always easy to say to try again after the failures. Maybe...*shrug* Do I still have the courage to love another?

高价收买人性

Was watching a drama yesterday nite about an agent, looking for distressed people to sell their moral. So the story goes whereby a ger who is very kind but in desprate state of financial difficulty. One nite, she was approached by this mysterious man who asked her if she is willing to sell her moral for money. Thinking this was a joke, she was evaluated by a machine of how much her morals were worth. To make the story short, she was tempted by the money and she kept selling bits of her moral like kindness, honesty, integrity, pride, principle whereby a price was tagged to all these attributes. what saved her was her refusal to sell off her family ties which was worth the most. That makes me think..... would anyone sell their moral for money??

《雾锁南洋》

人世间曾有多少离合悲欢
生命中曾有几许无奈沧桑
雾起在南方 雾落在南方
朝阳可曾藏心坎

过去的记忆你是否已经遗忘
祖先的流离可曾使你惆怅
雾起在南方 雾落在南方
重重迷雾锁南洋

望远方天水茫茫
浓雾中何处是家乡
向远方冲过险滩
浓雾散见我新家乡

过去的记忆世代不可遗忘
祖先的流离使我生命更坚强
雾起在南方 雾落在南方
重重迷雾锁南洋

带希望努力垦荒
带理想开拓新家乡
用希望换取希望
用理想创造新理想

充满信心向前望 不必迷惘
黑暗到了尽头 就会出现曙光
雾起在南方 雾落在南方
朝阳一出迷雾消



Okie, listen to this song again... got a bit of feeling to write liao. This was the main theme of a chinese drama from Singapore, protraying how our forefathers came to this little island, undergoing the WWII and making this their home. Din know how to appreciate when I was young... it was only later then I realise the meaning of 雾锁南洋 - "重重迷雾锁南洋 ". How appropriate to descibe the feelings they had when going thru the war.... Can the 3rd generation of Singaporeans make it? Can we be as strong and brave as our forefathers? 咱们得拭目以待了.........

All those patriotic feelings coming back le..... -_-"

世界末日

Hmm..... Bali kana another bombing yesterday.. :( Just as they are picking up the pieces after the 2002 bombings. Who would have expected the terrorists will attack the same place after 3 years? Its gonna take a longer time for Bali to recover than the previous one.

With all the hurricans stoming all over the world, may makes you think the world IS coming to an end. Maybe its time. Look at what the human race has done to mother nature, look at how the humans are killing 1 another, look at how selfish and mighty the human race has placed themselves to be....*shrug* (So not having kids is the correct thing to do... :p)

While people in the affected countries are picking up where they left off before the disaster or preparing for the oncoming ones, we, safe in our own haven are busy minding our own biz and everyday life. Yea, my own 世界末日 is coming!!! In the form of Level 3.. :p Hiaz, anyway, like I said, I haven't been studying th whole week, let nature take its course bah, being too anxious might even hinder your performance..*shrug*

Been picking up crochet again after all these years, heee, gonna keep some to de-stress when I need it in Level 3. Tomorrow is the starting lor..... let me see how I'm going to nuah for today.....