LIFE'S A TEST - AND YOU'RE GRADED ON A CURVE
At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is...having friends.
At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 20, success is...having sex.
At age 35, success is...having money.
At age 50, success is...having money.
At age 60, success is...having sex.
At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.
At age 75, success is...having friends.
At age 80, success is...not peeing in your pants.
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Fun. Show all posts
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
Relac
"A laugh a day, keeps your troubles at bay" - me ;)
10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in
that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably
got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
desk...
1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
10 best excuses when you get caught falling asleep on your desk:
10. "They told me at the blood bank this might happen."
9. "This is just a 15 minute power-nap like they raved about in
that time management course you sent me to."
8. "Whew! Guess I left the top off the White-Out. You probably
got here just in time!"
7. "I wasn't sleeping! I was meditating on the mission statement
and envisioning a new paradigm."
6. "I was testing my keyboard for drool resistance."
5. "I was doing a highly specific Yoga exercise to relieve
work-related stress. Are you discriminatory toward people who
practice Yoga?"
4. "Why did you interrupt me? I had almost figured out a
solution to our biggest problem."
3. "The coffee machine is broken..."
2. "Someone must've put decaf in the wrong pot..."
And the #1 best thing to say if you get caught sleeping at your
desk...
1. " ... in Jesus' name. Amen."
Relac II
Relac qoutes are courtesy of "The board of wisdom" (Quotes in my blogger list)
Women's English:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on
TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]
Men's English:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now!
Love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex without me
- Unknown
Women's English:
Yes = No
No = Yes
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = and carpeting, and furniture, and wallpaper
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on
TV
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me!? = [Too late, you're dead]
Men's English:
I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What stupid self inflicted psychological trauma is it now?
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now!
Love you, too = Okay, I said it, Now can we have sex
Yes, I like the way you cut your hair = I liked it better before
Let's talk = I'll impress you by showing you I am a deep guy then maybe sex?
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex without me
- Unknown
Relac III
What do I do when I see someone EXTREMELY GORGEOUS? I STARE, I SMILE, AND WHEN I GET TIRED...I PUT THE MIRROR DOWN
- GAURAV SIDANA
So... the elephant says to the camel "why do you have 2 boobs on your back?" the camel replies "that's a pretty stupid question coming from someone who has a dick on his face"
- Unknown
I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
- Unknown
Too often, we loose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.
- unknown
When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.
- Unknown
- GAURAV SIDANA
So... the elephant says to the camel "why do you have 2 boobs on your back?" the camel replies "that's a pretty stupid question coming from someone who has a dick on his face"
- Unknown
I dream of a better tomorrow... where chickens can cross roads and not have their motives questioned
- Unknown
Too often, we loose sight of life's simple pleasures. Remember when someone annoys you, it takes 42 muscles to frown, BUT it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and b****-slap the mother-f***er upside the head.
- unknown
When I die, I want to die like my grandmother, who died peacefully in her sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car.
- Unknown
Thursday, September 6, 2007
Noodle vs Bao
Chapter One
===========
One day, noodle quarrel with meat bao(bun). They had a fight but bao was too clumsy and lost badly. He was very angry and he told noodle to stay behind if he has the guts and he'll get his pals to assist him.
Meat bao went to find bread, man tou, jian bao etc to get them to reinforce him. Along the way, they saw maggi mee. They ah bish ah bish ah bish and beat maggi mee up and maggi mee beri puzzled why he kena beaten up. He said, "Why u all beat me? What have I done to deserve
this?" The meat bao said, "Noodle! Dun think u perm your hair then cannot recognise u!"
Chapter Two
===========
Maggi mee, who was beaten up for no reason, was very angry. So he went to find bee hoon, udon, fried noodles etc to seek revenge. But on the way, they met small bao. Maggi mee looked at small bao for a while then told his brothers, "Bra-der! Whack him!" Maggi mee whack small bao harder & harder.
After the noodles family has left, they asked Maggi Mee why he hated small bao so much and beat him up so badly. Maggi mee said. "At first wanna teach him a small lesson only, but then see him act cute, made me so angry."
Chapter Three
=============
The more small bao thought of it, the more buay song he was. So, he found the bao family to whack Maggi mee. Then they found ying shi juan noodles covered with bun. They brought him back as hostage and were about to put him on the stove to force him to talk when the bao head
said, "That's not noodles! That's our undercover!"
Chapter Four
============
The family of bao and noodles are now enemies and they have gang fights whenever they see each other. One day, the noodles family was having a walk when they saw char siew bao alone. Seeing the good chance, all of them attacked him. The noodles family shouted, "Beat him hard
hard! Don't give chance just because he's vomiting blood!"
Chapter Five
===========
Poor char siew bao, with his injuries, went to the baoheadquarters to look for help. All the bao family was activated and together with red bean bao,green bean bun etc. they went to seek revenge. All the passerbys siam them as they look like they will kill.
They saw french fries jalan jalan along, shopping. The bao
family attacked him. The bao head shouted, "Noodle people still wear gold go shopping! Whack him!!!"
Chapter Six
==========
Finally, the bao family manage to kidnap noodle, the one who started up the whole show, and brought him back to the bao headquarter.All the baos took turns to whack him. At the end, the chief of baos - dua bah bao took a final roll over noodle before they dump him.
When the poor noodle finally went home, none of the family member could recognise him bcoz he is totally disfigured - flatten. In order not to let the family bear the bad name, he appears as a new member named Mee pok
Sent to me by a friend. LAME! But funni....wahahaha
===========
One day, noodle quarrel with meat bao(bun). They had a fight but bao was too clumsy and lost badly. He was very angry and he told noodle to stay behind if he has the guts and he'll get his pals to assist him.
Meat bao went to find bread, man tou, jian bao etc to get them to reinforce him. Along the way, they saw maggi mee. They ah bish ah bish ah bish and beat maggi mee up and maggi mee beri puzzled why he kena beaten up. He said, "Why u all beat me? What have I done to deserve
this?" The meat bao said, "Noodle! Dun think u perm your hair then cannot recognise u!"
Chapter Two
===========
Maggi mee, who was beaten up for no reason, was very angry. So he went to find bee hoon, udon, fried noodles etc to seek revenge. But on the way, they met small bao. Maggi mee looked at small bao for a while then told his brothers, "Bra-der! Whack him!" Maggi mee whack small bao harder & harder.
After the noodles family has left, they asked Maggi Mee why he hated small bao so much and beat him up so badly. Maggi mee said. "At first wanna teach him a small lesson only, but then see him act cute, made me so angry."
Chapter Three
=============
The more small bao thought of it, the more buay song he was. So, he found the bao family to whack Maggi mee. Then they found ying shi juan noodles covered with bun. They brought him back as hostage and were about to put him on the stove to force him to talk when the bao head
said, "That's not noodles! That's our undercover!"
Chapter Four
============
The family of bao and noodles are now enemies and they have gang fights whenever they see each other. One day, the noodles family was having a walk when they saw char siew bao alone. Seeing the good chance, all of them attacked him. The noodles family shouted, "Beat him hard
hard! Don't give chance just because he's vomiting blood!"
Chapter Five
===========
Poor char siew bao, with his injuries, went to the baoheadquarters to look for help. All the bao family was activated and together with red bean bao,green bean bun etc. they went to seek revenge. All the passerbys siam them as they look like they will kill.
They saw french fries jalan jalan along, shopping. The bao
family attacked him. The bao head shouted, "Noodle people still wear gold go shopping! Whack him!!!"
Chapter Six
==========
Finally, the bao family manage to kidnap noodle, the one who started up the whole show, and brought him back to the bao headquarter.All the baos took turns to whack him. At the end, the chief of baos - dua bah bao took a final roll over noodle before they dump him.
When the poor noodle finally went home, none of the family member could recognise him bcoz he is totally disfigured - flatten. In order not to let the family bear the bad name, he appears as a new member named Mee pok
Sent to me by a friend. LAME! But funni....wahahaha
Monday, August 13, 2007
What is Marketing?
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich, I want to marry you."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
Muahahah....
You go up to her and say, "I am very rich. Marry me!"
That's Direct Marketing
You're at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl.
One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, "He's very rich. Marry him."
That's Advertising.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and get her telephone number.
The next day you call and say, "Hi, I'm very rich. Marry me."
That's Telemarketing.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, "By the way, I'm very rich "Will you marry me?"
That's Public Relations.
You're at a party and see a gorgeous girl.
She walks up to you and says, "You are very rich, I want to marry you."
That's Brand Recognition.
You see a gorgeous girl at a party.
You go up to her and say, "I'm rich. Marry me"
She gives you a nice hard slap on your face.
That's Customer Feedback
Muahahah....
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Whatever...Anything...You decide
Whatever
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood not good also, later I might got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
Anything
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie not good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? Don芒鈧劉t u feel tired?
Men: Then we find a caf脙漏 and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: So, what you suggest then?
Women: Anything!!!
You decide
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take a bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: So hungry, empty stomach how to walk?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
(Look around....if no one is there, just kill her...)
Wahahahaa
Men: What to have for dinner?
Women: Whatever..
Men: Why not we have steamboat?
Women: Don't want, eat steamboat later got pimples on my face
Men: Alright, why not we have Si Chuan cuisine
Women: Yesterday ate Si Chuan, today eat again?
Men: Hmm..... I suggest we have seafood
Women: Seafood not good also, later I might got diarrhea
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women : Whatever..
Anything
Men: So what should we do now?
Women: Anything
Men: How about watching movie? Long time we didn't watch movie
Women: Watching movie not good, waste time only
Men: How about we play bowling, do some exercises?
Women: Exercise in such hot day? Don芒鈧劉t u feel tired?
Men: Then we find a caf脙漏 and have drink
Women: Drink coffee will affect my sleep
Men: So, what you suggest then?
Women: Anything!!!
You decide
Men: Then we just go home lo
Women: You decide
Men: Let's take a bus, I will accompany you
Women: Bus is dirty and crowded. Don't want la
Men: Ok we will take Taxi
Women: Not worth it la... for such a short distance
Men: Alright, then we walk lo. Take a slow walk
Women: So hungry, empty stomach how to walk?
Men: Then what you suggest?
Women: You decide
Men: Let's have dinner first
Women: Whatever...
Men: Eat what?
Women: Anything
(Look around....if no one is there, just kill her...)
Wahahahaa
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
MRT pledge
Something from an email....
you've heard of the Singapore pledge. The following is the MRT pledge:
Hahahha
you've heard of the Singapore pledge. The following is the MRT pledge:
We, the passengers of MRT,
poised ourselves as one kan cheong people,
regardless of old folks, kids or pregnant women,
to rush for unoccupied seats,
based on pushing and shoving,
so as to achieve rest. slumber and sleep for our comfort.
Hahahha
Saturday, June 9, 2007
Men II
For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free. Here's an update for you: Today, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY? Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.
Men are like....
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you
2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ....... Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .... .Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Hehehehe...
Men are like....
1. Men are like ...Laxatives ...... They irritate the crap out of you
2. Men are like. Bananas ....... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like ...... Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like ....... Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like ..... Chocolate Bars .... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like .... Commercials ....... You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ..... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
8. Men are like ......Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like .... .Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like .Popcorn ..... They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms .... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like ........Lava Lamps .... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots .......... All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Hehehehe...
Thursday, February 1, 2007
More Quotes III
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- Steven Wright
The tongue weighs practically nothing yet few people can hold it!
- foxiii ryder
*Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
- Unknown
A leader is one who sees more than others see, who sees farther than others see, and who sees before others see.
- Leroy Eimes
Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So let's get wasted and have the time of our lives!
- Unknown
You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.
- Al Capone
* My fav.....:)
- Napoleon Bonaparte (1769-1821)
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese
- Steven Wright
The tongue weighs practically nothing yet few people can hold it!
- foxiii ryder
*Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
- Unknown
A leader is one who sees more than others see, who sees farther than others see, and who sees before others see.
- Leroy Eimes
Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. So let's get wasted and have the time of our lives!
- Unknown
You can get more of what you want with a kind word and a gun than you can with just a kind word.
- Al Capone
* My fav.....:)
Monday, November 27, 2006
Quotes again
he said "i'll love you forever" & she smiled and said, "just warn me when forever starts to end"
-myspace
Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
- Unknown
People have the right to be stupid. Some people abuse that privilege.
- Unknown
Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you
- Unknown
Muahaha......
-myspace
Someday your prince charming will come. Mine just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is too stubborn to ask for directions.
- Unknown
People have the right to be stupid. Some people abuse that privilege.
- Unknown
Today I caught myself smiling for no reason... then I realized I was thinking about you
- Unknown
Muahaha......
Thursday, November 2, 2006
Always look on the Bright side of Life
Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...
If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.
Always look on the light side of life...
For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
Just before you draw your terminal breath
Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
Thursday, June 15, 2006
Short and sharp ghost stories
1、我一个人要乘出租车，司机问我：你们两个要去哪里？
2、一人从车祸的现场走开，迎面有人拦住他：hei !你的一只手还在车上呢！
3、车开得飞快，一个老太婆趴在窗外看著我。
4、开摩托车接女朋友下班，后半夜有点凉，女友温柔的张开双手搂住我。忽然她摸我脸：“冷吗？”刚想接口
忽然发现腰际女友的双手一直没离开，啊！
5、昨夜上网，朋友突然来敲我家窗户叫我出去玩~！正准备开窗说不去，
才突然想起自己搬家了，从1楼搬到10楼~~ 那是谁啊？？
6、午夜里，由噩梦中惊醒的我，看到哥哥坐在床边，轻轻地问我：“怎么了？”
我说：梦见一群抱着自己脑袋的鬼追我！是不是这样的？说着，哥哥把他的头摘下来了。
7、办公室的高层电梯只停15-30楼，在30楼工作的小F，一天加班到深夜后独自坐电梯下楼
电梯每层都停下开门，门外没人，最后，停在了14楼
门外一白衣女子说：好挤哟，我也要进来......
8、有个人看完此帖，没回，第二天就再也没醒来
*faint* lolzzz
2、一人从车祸的现场走开，迎面有人拦住他：hei !你的一只手还在车上呢！
3、车开得飞快，一个老太婆趴在窗外看著我。
4、开摩托车接女朋友下班，后半夜有点凉，女友温柔的张开双手搂住我。忽然她摸我脸：“冷吗？”刚想接口
忽然发现腰际女友的双手一直没离开，啊！
5、昨夜上网，朋友突然来敲我家窗户叫我出去玩~！正准备开窗说不去，
才突然想起自己搬家了，从1楼搬到10楼~~ 那是谁啊？？
6、午夜里，由噩梦中惊醒的我，看到哥哥坐在床边，轻轻地问我：“怎么了？”
我说：梦见一群抱着自己脑袋的鬼追我！是不是这样的？说着，哥哥把他的头摘下来了。
7、办公室的高层电梯只停15-30楼，在30楼工作的小F，一天加班到深夜后独自坐电梯下楼
电梯每层都停下开门，门外没人，最后，停在了14楼
门外一白衣女子说：好挤哟，我也要进来......
8、有个人看完此帖，没回，第二天就再也没醒来
*faint* lolzzz
Tuesday, March 21, 2006
Her husband is still a virgin
Newly-wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom: How do you know?
Girl: Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover.
Bangladesh Worker : Sir, me no come to work, me sick.
Boss : When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it.
2 hours later, Bangladesh Worker : Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house.
After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man : Why? Want to have sex again?
Thai Girl : No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before.
Women's lives are hard.
Morning - wash clothes.
Noon - hang clothes.
Evening - keep clothes.
Night - iron clothes.
Midnight - take off clothes.
After midnight - find clothes.
To make it straight, she pulls it.
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To let it in, she pushes it. True?
Threading a needle is not easy.
A Sad story.
A woman's husband died & she had him cremated. She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said : Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you.
Girl : Mom, what is a penis?
Mom : When you become a good girl, you will get one.
Girl : But mom, wha t if I am not a good girl?
Mom : Then you will get many!
A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary: If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?
Secretary : Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.
Schoolgirl : I do not want to take the sex Education class.
Teacher : Why?
School girl : Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral.
Two sperms talking on mobile.
Ist : I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close by?
2nd : No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils.
Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS.
This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought.
Muahahahah....
Mom: How do you know?
Girl: Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover.
Bangladesh Worker : Sir, me no come to work, me sick.
Boss : When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it.
2 hours later, Bangladesh Worker : Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house.
After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man : Why? Want to have sex again?
Thai Girl : No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before.
Women's lives are hard.
Morning - wash clothes.
Noon - hang clothes.
Evening - keep clothes.
Night - iron clothes.
Midnight - take off clothes.
After midnight - find clothes.
To make it straight, she pulls it.
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To let it in, she pushes it. True?
Threading a needle is not easy.
A Sad story.
A woman's husband died & she had him cremated. She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said : Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you.
Girl : Mom, what is a penis?
Mom : When you become a good girl, you will get one.
Girl : But mom, wha t if I am not a good girl?
Mom : Then you will get many!
A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary: If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?
Secretary : Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.
Schoolgirl : I do not want to take the sex Education class.
Teacher : Why?
School girl : Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral.
Two sperms talking on mobile.
Ist : I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close by?
2nd : No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils.
Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS.
This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought.
Muahahahah....
Monday, March 20, 2006
From the net -> papers -> net
Growing old is mandatory.
Growing up is optional.
Teach a child to be polite at home and he'll never be able to merge his car onto a highway when he grows up.
The shampoo promised me extra body and I gained 3 kilos
One nice thing abt egotists is that they dun talk abt other people
My weight is perfect for my height - which varies
If swimming is good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man woth both feet firmly on the ground, and I show you a man who can't get his pants off
Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
LOL
Growing up is optional.
Teach a child to be polite at home and he'll never be able to merge his car onto a highway when he grows up.
The shampoo promised me extra body and I gained 3 kilos
One nice thing abt egotists is that they dun talk abt other people
My weight is perfect for my height - which varies
If swimming is good for your figure, how do you explain whales?
Show me a man woth both feet firmly on the ground, and I show you a man who can't get his pants off
Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?
LOL
Saturday, March 4, 2006
Why Man call their spouse Darling
A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner.
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend,"I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those lovely names."
The old guy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
---------------------------------
Kns rite??? Hahaha....
His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.
The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend,"I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those lovely names."
The old guy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
---------------------------------
Kns rite??? Hahaha....
Friday, November 4, 2005
Quotes About Life
A bit X-rated.... but funni. Hahaha....
01) Confucius said, "Squirrel who run up woman's leg surely won't find nuts.
02) When I was born, I got a choice - a big dick or a good memory. I can't remember which one I chose...
03) Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
04) My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects.
05) Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
06) There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop ... unless they are used together.
07) Panties are not the best thing on earth; they're next to the best thing on earth.
08) There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
09) Virginity can be cured.
10) Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,you'd better have a good hand.
11) I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
13) Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
14) Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 31/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
15) Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many menstill sleep with their wives !!!
16) Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
17) A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......
18) Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
19) Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps witheveryone except you.
01) Confucius said, "Squirrel who run up woman's leg surely won't find nuts.
02) When I was born, I got a choice - a big dick or a good memory. I can't remember which one I chose...
03) Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
04) My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask for sex, she objects.
05) Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings".
06) There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - don't and stop ... unless they are used together.
07) Panties are not the best thing on earth; they're next to the best thing on earth.
08) There are three stages to sex in a person's life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.
09) Virginity can be cured.
10) Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner,you'd better have a good hand.
11) I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialer were too small.
12) Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
13) Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
14) Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 31/2 inch floppy into a hard disk.
15) Despite the old saying, "Don't take your troubles to bed", many menstill sleep with their wives !!!
16) Q: What's an Australian kiss?
A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.
17) A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and She was happy with the Thing......
18) Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man's life?
A: Life sucks, job sucks and the wife doesn't.
19) Q: What's the difference between a bitch and a whore?
A: A whore sleeps with everyone at the party and a bitch sleeps witheveryone except you.
Tuesday, November 1, 2005
男人要有肉
鼻头要有肉，鼻头有肉的男人既有欲也有财，衣食无忧；
嘴唇要有肉，厚嘴唇的男人为人厚道，薄嘴唇的男人通常都很薄幸；
下巴要有肉，下巴有肉，除了可以让你捏他下巴之外，他的晚年也会过得不错，可以照顾你； 耳朵要有肉，耳大肥厚，是长寿的征相，他长寿，就可以和你厮守终身，最幸福的就是可以比你爱的人先死，他那 么长寿你的愿望不难达成；
脸颊要有肉，双颊凹陷的男人不是太可怕吗？
肩膀要有肉，可以让你舒舒服服的把下巴搁上去；
背部要有肉，可以随时背你；
胸前要有肉，可以挨得住女人几拳；
手掌要有肉，手掌肥厚的男人会很富有，不用女人养他；
双腿要有肉，两条枯树枝一样的腿太没有安全感；
最重要的是屁股要有肉，屁股大而有肉的男人最顾家，小屁股的男人多半靠不住；
他那颗心，当然也要是肉造的，只有这样，他的心才容易被你打动；
那么
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
结论：找头猪准没错！
LOL.....
嘴唇要有肉，厚嘴唇的男人为人厚道，薄嘴唇的男人通常都很薄幸；
下巴要有肉，下巴有肉，除了可以让你捏他下巴之外，他的晚年也会过得不错，可以照顾你； 耳朵要有肉，耳大肥厚，是长寿的征相，他长寿，就可以和你厮守终身，最幸福的就是可以比你爱的人先死，他那 么长寿你的愿望不难达成；
脸颊要有肉，双颊凹陷的男人不是太可怕吗？
肩膀要有肉，可以让你舒舒服服的把下巴搁上去；
背部要有肉，可以随时背你；
胸前要有肉，可以挨得住女人几拳；
手掌要有肉，手掌肥厚的男人会很富有，不用女人养他；
双腿要有肉，两条枯树枝一样的腿太没有安全感；
最重要的是屁股要有肉，屁股大而有肉的男人最顾家，小屁股的男人多半靠不住；
他那颗心，当然也要是肉造的，只有这样，他的心才容易被你打动；
那么
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
。
结论：找头猪准没错！
LOL.....
Friday, September 16, 2005
Shit happens ...
Confucianism: Confucius say: "Shit happens".
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit happened in my last life too.
Protestantism: Shit happens cause you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are bad.
Zen: What is the sound of one shit happening?
Episcopalianism: How Dare Shit Happen?
Calvinism: Shit that doesn't stink is a sign of being saved.
Moonies: Only happy shit happens.
Christian Science: Shit is in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Jehova's Witnesses: Let us in and we'll tell you why shit happens.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Mormonism: Shit happens in both the old world and the new world.
Lutheranism: Have faith in shit.
Baptism: Say Hallelujah to the shit.
Scientology: Extraterrestrials brought the shit.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Shit Happens, Shit Shit Happens Happens, Shit Happens, Rama Rama.
Atheism: No shit.
Taoism: Shit happens.
-----------------------------------
Whahaha.... hmm... Shit Happens! :p
Buddhism: If shit happens, it's not really shit.
Islam: If shit happens, it's the will of Allah.
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to us?
Hinduism: This shit happened in my last life too.
Protestantism: Shit happens cause you don't work hard enough.
Catholicism: Shit happens because you are bad.
Zen: What is the sound of one shit happening?
Episcopalianism: How Dare Shit Happen?
Calvinism: Shit that doesn't stink is a sign of being saved.
Moonies: Only happy shit happens.
Christian Science: Shit is in your mind.
Agnosticism: Maybe shit happens, maybe it doesn't.
Jehova's Witnesses: Let us in and we'll tell you why shit happens.
Rastafarianism: Let's smoke this shit.
Mormonism: Shit happens in both the old world and the new world.
Lutheranism: Have faith in shit.
Baptism: Say Hallelujah to the shit.
Scientology: Extraterrestrials brought the shit.
Hare Krishna: Shit Happens, Shit Happens, Shit Shit Happens Happens, Shit Happens, Rama Rama.
Atheism: No shit.
Taoism: Shit happens.
-----------------------------------
Whahaha.... hmm... Shit Happens! :p
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