How to see open

失败与挫折只是让我们更珍惜将要来临的幸福！V^^

傻

失去才知道自己的傻
傻后才暗自的流泪
早知道没终点
为何要有起点？

Alex II

Went to see Alex just now. He looked so much better. And he seems to be responding to us. I talked to him, and his breathing pattern changed. That was what happen when his other friends talked to him too.. He wants to wake up! He will wake up!

I was wondering why I haven blah myself silly ever since his accident. Is it that I am not sad enough? Is it that I know he will be alright? Was it my training? I dun know. Maybe I need some catalyst like alcohol and our songs to bring out my tears that has been hiding? I dun know....

Today is the 10th day and it seems like ages to us. Alex, we will wait for you to wake up. Stop sleeping le, you lazy pig! :)

Out of Bounds

Hmm... why would a married man want to have affairs? Haiz, the temptations all around us. Is there still fidelity in marriages? I dun know lar, but for myself I will make sure I will never get myself involve with a married man, especially one with kids. No matter how tempting... tt's my principle. Cannot afford to take a wrong step in a moment of folly. A bit sian to be so clear-minded when it comes to affairs of the heart hor? But tt's moral for us. I have to recover fast and not think abt it... :)

Do I look like an easy ger? Why do I get this kinda proposal? This is not the first time liao... I dun know if they are joking or not lar... but I always state my stand. No flings for me... definately no, no.

Alex is still in a coma, haven regain conscious yet.... I pray hard for him...

Photos

I had sorted out our photos to be returned to him... but I never got a chance. I had 2 photos of him as a kid and wanted to return to his mum, but I tot better of it. Not at this time anyway.... Showed them the photo taken when the 3 of them were in Sec.3 at the Red Cross campsite. Wah, the picture is classic lor.... we had a real good laugh at how short and CMI Viz was. Most of the gers couldn't even recognised the 3rd guy was Alex! Saw him today... he is running a temp because of the wearing off of the drugs. Temp was 40 degree celsius. Hope tt will come down. Mum went to temple to pray and got an amulet for him also. So I told him over the glass door..."see, although you scared of my mum and she was pretty denfensive to you, she still got an amulet for you...so you must wake up!"

All of us are quite stable as of now cos there is no other news yet... but I can't be so sure for the next few days. What we are waiting now is to see if his temp will subside and if he will wake up. Doc said it will take 2-3 days... and that will be Mon.

Life...

the atmosphere is thick with emotions.. the humming of medical equipments and the digital screens displaying the organic functions of the body, together keeping him alive. he looks normal apart from all the tubes rooted into his body and gauzes which are planted in his nose and ears keeping blood in.. he looks so normal.. he is my friend, my brother..

there on bed 17, as almost still as he lays, he is fighting for a window to survive, he is fighting for the dreams yet to fulfill and the love he yet to blossom. there are so much and too many things for him to do.. he has to fight and he will.

tears poured uncontrollably inside and outside the room. the fact that he is the one lying on the bed is unconceivable. memories of him couldn't reconcile with the harsh reality now. why does the irony of life is for one who speaks the most to now making statement through silence.

brother, we still have whiskeys and wines to test, badminton to play. we still have to remind each other that we are friends of 17 years and beyond. you have to wake up! take your deserved rest and wake up.. .wake up.

posted by Viz @ Wednesday, April 11, 2007

RTA

Alex met with a RTA. He is now doing the emergency ops. According to the neurologist and what the PM told me, he has got serious head injury. He is unconscious and on breathing apparatus. The doctor won't know the outcome and how it will affect his neuro activites until he regain conscious after the ops. I do pray he will be alright......

On hindsight, is my recent brush with Oliver and the World Red Cross Day parade a tell tale sign? Anyway, it doesn't matter now. My heart wrench when I saw him motionless on the bed. Damn! I really wish he will be okay....


Footnote: Ops finished liao, but swelling in the brain not yet subside. They using medication to help. If this is no better, he might not be able to pull thru. I'm an optimisic person.... I am sure he will be able to fight thru it....

Alex

Updates : Alex had his second emergency ops this morning. The clot has spread over to his left brain liao. He is being sedated to allow his swelling and bleeding to stabalize. The drugs are going to knock him out for a few days. His brain was badly damaged and he is under observation to see if his condition will turn for the worse. Even when his swelling subside and the drugs wear off.... there is a possibility that he won't wake up. We will only know of his defects only when he wakes up.....
Alex, Alex, you must hang on there. I know you are strong-willed when you set your mind on something. I know you can pull thru if you want to. I know both of us were quite sian to be living in this world, but...... really, when things really happen, do you bear to leave those you love behind? I saw how your mum cried last night, I saw how Vinz and Roy cried....

I saw your MSN, but I know you are not behind your com this instant.... it felt so unreal...

I dun know, but it sound double standard now. When you are in a clear mind and that someone is not close to you, you would have preferred the person to shorten his agony but when it is your love ones, you will tend to harbour this hope that a miracle will happen and it will happen to you.....

Alex, pls hear us and hang on there... we will be there for you. Pls be safe..... We lost Jane and we can't lose you.

Nuisance

Went for 3 very stupid case for my last 3 day duties (1 day each) -_-". The call text for the first one was "Man lying in the canal". Wah, tot was a drowning case, even got my N95 mask ready... :p In the end, it was a case of drunkard fell into the canal. Make our firemen climbed down the canal (myself included) and carry him out.... Kns leh, drink go home drink lar, got yourself fallen into the canal... luckily its not raining that day.. if not sure another drown victim!

Like that still not enough, for the next 2 days, another drankard drank, make a nuisance of himself by making a den with his group of drinking kakis on the first day and sleeping along the road on the second day. What the f***! Really cannot stand them leh, dun know what their bird brain thinking one. Why must they make trouble for others? Can't stand drunkards!!! Argggg!!!! >:(

Quotes I

东南西北寻寻觅觅，我们都在寻找一个自己心目中的理想天堂。
可是往往等我们回到原点才会发现，原来这里就是天堂。
_________________________________________________
化
生亦何欢
死亦何苦
命似春梦
终归尘土
_________________________________________________
缘
缘起，萌芽于树梢上.
缘落，凋零于黄土中。
_________________________________________________

对你一份情深 一如我是心塌地 不离开过土地
你听到吗？我的歌声里 不再有少年的喜悦 确含有无影的泪。。
_________________________________________________

我问自己为谁停留 不再像浮萍随风漂流
只因为有你在我心中 我愿意付出一切所有
_________________________________________________

春天飘过的记忆 深深藏在我心底
却让我不愿再提起 是谁说过我爱你

Upset

My friend is sad.... why is he sad? I msg him just now...he has yet to reply :(

Haiz... read some articles on blogging in the papers today. Well, are we noncholant if we dun participate in the whatever is happening to the world now? I mean does it mean that if we dun report it in our blog? So what if you say or comment so much in your blog? Its all your views! Izzit going to change the world? Izzit going to reverse the effects of the tsunami? So what if you give your 3 cents worth? So what if ppl are lamenting that they hate their cereals instead of the world happenings? Its the individuals' life! Sure, the net is where there should be free expressions and speech... just be responsible for what you write. So does that cross the line if you just want to write what you think is important to you?

There is this flaming thing about this ger who report some person of defaming her. I mean she has her own freedom and rights to post whatever pics she wants in her blog ya? She can boasts how many LV bags she owns, she can lament on which Jimmy Choos to wear.... so? Why are there people flaming her on what she is writing? Unless it is some sort of racist remarks.... Ppl eat finish nothing to do ah? Why be green-eye and criticise on her extravagent lifestyle? Just because you dun have doesn't mean ppl cannot enjoy that....

So what if she is flaunting? You can flaunt if you have the means.... dun like, just dun visit her blog lar... But I must also add.. if the posts contains of demeaning or looking down on ppl (as our so call 'elite uncaring face') then its another story already. Maybe I shan't speak so much since I haven even visit the said person's blog... :p What I want to drive across is if you are critising people, then you have to be responsible for your words. If not, who are they to judge if you blog about your bad hair day or staving children in third world countries?

Perhaps you can say I am in a defensive mode since I dun blog about big things but rather a lot of minor r/s thingy... haha.

And like what I wrote abt feeling bad the past few days... ppl call me slutty without any evidence. Quite upset about it... wish I could tear that B**** mouth. You know what they say when people belittle another? Its inferiorty complexity.... continue to belittle people.. it only shows how insecure and inferior you are.

Regrets

Haiz... was browsing thru my friendster friend list. Miss my days in Navy man! Any regrets? Yes.... I should have stayed in the force. But well, tt's how life goes right? You made some choices, and shouldn't look back especially the regretable ones. Everything happen for a reason bah. Anyway, what's done is already done.... so I shall learn from that mistake and move on. Mum is right... I am still at the starting point after going round in circles.

Read a RC's profile of mine... well, he already has quite a few achievements at his age. Me? Nothing great under my belt. Time for me to move on and make some achievements. Life is just too short....

Tired

Just came back from my dance practise. Wah, very tired sia. Think tomorrow my bones will break! But it was a good workout, at least I did some excercise. :p The dance was not as exciting as I expected, just a simple dance. Well, maybe this is good too, I will take this as a revision on my techniques and improve on it (doing splits at 30..-_-"). You know it can help sculpture the body if you do all your workout seriously and correctly? So tired... yawning away as I am typing this entry. You know what this means? I should do more running and swimming le. Been almost 6 mths since I last went gym, and almost a year since I last dance, chinese dance I mean. Workouts are good, just that I am disappointed by my return today bah. Maybe I should manage my expectations, maybe I should just move on.. to another group or another dance.

Pretty sian at work recently. My rota medics are damn slack ah! Have to admit our rotas paramedics are pretty lenient, myself included. Haiz... its time for me to be the devil!. I have been holding this back for quite some time liao. Feel like giving them a pet talk and ask them to "WAKE UP THEIR B***** IDEAS! I was hoping there is no need for me to do this, I dun want to be the baddie but.... I will do my best to win them over lar, but worse come to worse I shall prepare my pictures to be thrown with darts or find a vodoo doll with my name on it... -_-" 我不如地狱，谁入地狱？Although I really dun feel like going to this hell..... haiz

On relationship issue, I am okay with someone younger than me but of cos the maturity must be there and can give me a sense of security lor. Like what I wrote in my previous entry... 只要好好地珍惜每一份缘，结果是怎样也不是那么重要了，不是吗? I have decided to do something. Whether anything happens, it is all 缘分了. At least I 把握每一个机会呢! If you dun try, you never know if it can be, but try too hard you might scared that person off, moderation is the key. . I understand 爱是不能强求的..... ^^

Leaders and Managers

For the past couple of weeks the singapore internet has been abuzz with chatter over the “proposed” pay hike for ministers and senior civil servants. Certainly more so than it would appear in the mainstream media. First, let’s just get a few things straight- one, the pay hike is pretty much a done deal, all the so-called debate is just a wayang show. Two, this pay hike is not a general pay hike for every single civil servant out there, mostly it will be the ministers and the senior grade civil servants who will be seeing a pay hike.

Its the same arguments on both side of the fence since the day the government decided to benchmark their payscale according to the private sector. I don’t think both sides will ever come to an agreement. It is what it is.

I can understand the need to pay a fair wage. Afterall, this is what everyone is working for isn’t it? But how do you decide what is fair wage? The world has become a topsy turvy world. Our priorities are all screwed up. I mean, an american soldier fighting in iraq, who puts his life on the line everyday, what does he get in comparison with Kevin Garnett or LeBron James. Those 2 guys who plays a children’s game will get paid more playing one game of basketball than a soldier probably ever will in his lifetime. Even within the same profession you can find people who sometimes due to luck and circumstances are paid far more than what they are worth. David Beckham who makes more money than anyone other football player is probably not even in the list of top 10 football players in the world. So is that fair?


Yet, our ever pragmatic government has decided, they must be paid a fair wage and they have all the facts and statistics to back them up. If you look at it purely from a pragmatic and economical viewpoint, I am sure its pretty much impecable and ironclad. I am not so unreasonable as to not see the logic within their argument. But ofttimes, in this world of ours, things usually go beyond black or white, right and wrong. There are always shades of grey. Sometimes being too pragmatic and logical can be detrimental to yourself.


The leaders in the government wants to be paid like executives. So is it any wonder that singapore is being runned like a corporation. Singapore Inc. Well, its hard to feel anything for the country when you find yourself being treated more like an employee than a citizen. At times, I wonder if the people within the government even knows the difference. They can talk all about national pride, loving your country and making sacrifices, but all it is is just empty talk and hollow rhetoric if they continue to treat people like economic units.

I no longer harbour any illusions about singapore. I know I am appreciated and tolerated as long as I am economically productive, but the day wil come when I will outlive my usefulness. What then? Already the government is talking about shipping the old and elderly out to nearby countries. Hey, its all about being pragmatic isn’t it. Out of sight, out of mind.

If you ask me today, will I lay down my life for singapore, I might ask you to fuck off if I am in a good mood. Where’s my sense of patriotism? Well, I am just being pragmatic like Lee Hsien Loong. Afterall why should I lay down my life for this country. Whereas, once I wouldn’t think twice about it, now, I know better. Our “leaders” have shown the way for the rest of the nation, who am I to say different. If they think being paid $1.2 million for their troubles is too little, who are they to start asking me to make sacrifices. They are looking out for number 1, so why shouldn’t I?

And if I call them leaders of the country, I am just being overly generous. They may think they are leaders, but all they are is just managers. They don’t lead the country, they manage it. There’s a difference. Think leader, think Leonidas in 300. Leaders will make you willingly do the things you don’t want to do. Leaders will inspire you to be better than you are. Leaders will make you want to put your life on the line for a greater cause. Leaders will give you courage when before you have none.

Look at the people in the government, anyone strike you as particularly leaderlike? I can understand zyberzitizen when he says he don’t feel inspired when looking at the current generation of leaders. These guys aren’t leaders, they are managers. Managers are people who you listen to because you have to, not because you want to. Managers are people who you don’t give a fuck about once they are not around. Managers are people who you obey only beause you have to and not out of respect. Not every manager is a leader. And not every leader is a manager. Sometimes a leader can simply be your peer, but who commands some much respect that you can’t help but want to be led by him.

Somewhere along the line I think Lee Hsien Loong has confused management with leadership. So I guess, we ought to start paying him like a manager, just don’t ask me to look at him as a leader. Sometimes you just can’t have it all.

http://www.insanepoly.com/blog/?p=316

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Talking sense....

缘

hmm... pretty sad that my friend is still thinking about that 昙花一现的情缘。But I also understand the affairs of heart is not so easily understandable by 3rd parties. Anyway, this is just a 插曲，主题曲都还没上榜呢！;)

Well, I want to thank you for being there for me. I also know you have a lot of 红粉知己，但我也希望你能依靠我的肩膀，当你需要的时候，就像你如何扶持我。别看我瘦巴巴的，肩上能扛的却不少哦！Haha....

This is for you......(I know you will "see open" one)

世间缘起又缘灭，人生不过梦一回。莫笑世间情意玄，只怕醒时已成烟。“缘起缘灭，梦醒成烟”。只要好好地珍惜每一份缘，结果是怎样也不是那么重要了，不是吗？

舍得

舍得...舍得....要舍才可得... haha. Wise words!

Guess I dun wanna think so much, just let things happen and I will just sit there and look pretty.... ^^

Sucessful

Yeah! Just got the letter from school that my application for transfer of prog is successful! Hopefully I can excel better in Sociology bah.

Borrowed a book on Mind Mapping technique. Shall put that into use once I've finished the book. Seems quite interesting leh.

Well, a lot of things to do leh. Let's see

1. Train my right and left mind to interact by doing the...what's the name, "Visual Thinking". That shall train up the untapped portion of my brain!

2. Finished the Mind Mapping book and put it into practise

3. Eat supplements every nite. Gotta finish those bottles.

4. Drink DOM everynite, so as to maintain the my 气色

5. Gotta savour the every sec that I will be putting in for my dance practice. Take it as a form of relaxation and focus my mind and body for every session.

6. Live happily and fruitfully!

The TV station just finished playing "情陷夜中环2". Suddenly have this affiliation to Hong Kong after my trip. My friend said he felt like going back for shopping... I teased him that he very rich lor, like those rich man, fly to Japan for sushi, fly to Italy for spaghetti....wahahaha. But hor, me also feel like going back leh...hurhur. :p Why the sudden affiliation leh? 是人，是物还是事？说不上来，可能都有吧！

Happened to peep into my sec school autograph book while looking for the term "Visual Thinking". (This was actually a self-development course specially run for my school. Hmm... think it costed quite a bomb! :p). Read what my friends wrote abt me. Guess I'm not so much different from then. Adjectives like cheerful, energetic, happy-go-lucky, fun-loving especially 活泼，开朗 kept poping up in almost every entry by my friends. (Maybe they dun know what to write so copy each other's..haha). And words like hard-working and having positive outlooks from teachers.... I am really quite a hardworking student 哦! Haha.. I always say myself "老王卖瓜", you know why? Cos the next pharse is "自卖自夸"! :p

Okay, lets put what I have learnt into practise. The words above are my presonalities. Hmmm... cos these qualities have been pretty consistant in my behaviour, untill now. Actually, these qualities start to be apparent to me only in my teens... have I missed it while growing up? Guess this is what Erickson termed as the stage of "Identity Crisis" whereby you examine yourself and developed the identity and personality that you think you are. How you see yourself and how the world sees you.

Hmm... feeling positive tonight. Shall leave those serious and nagging thots for another time. Good Nite!

P.S. Long long time never write poems le... shall find some time to do it. 身心要健康嘛! V ^^

心情像天气

唉，心情真像天气啊！昨天还好好的，今天就糟透了！:( Maybe it has been sometimes since I last did physical stuffs bah. The new workyear is coming, I should take this chance to do some running and swimming to prep for IPPT le. Haiz... feel real sianzz.

Hate the feeling of being a sandwich and hate that I have to take into consideration all people's feelings when handling things. Damn! Should I be unpopular to drive things and ideas across and risk being alienated by the people? Or should I just heck care and do things the way it is supposed to be done? Dun like my driver today. I have problem with this guy. Drive me to my grave. Hate the control today too. The stupid ger was so noisy over the air. Really feel like rebutting her thru the air too.. humph! :(

Feel like shaving my head! But I know I will not have the courage to do that...NATO :p I can feel the tension growing on me. Maybe my colleague is right. I need a man... duh.

And there are this issues on the need to close the gap of the salaries of our minister and top seven professionals. What bs is that? But there is also nothing much we can do. Stage a demostration? Write a petition? Haiz.....

和平的代价

夜幕静悄悄笼罩着家园
离开黎明还有多远
绝望 彷徨 扭曲一张张的脸
走过生死边缘

梦魇 为何象现实一样真
苦难
像大海一样深
仇恨 烧红胸中热腾腾的火
为生命的尊严而战！

多少人用生命
鲜血和理想
换来一线和平的曙光
多少人的生命 鲜血和理想
写成一篇血泪的诗章！

每当我听到这首歌，我就起鸡皮疙瘩。乱世出枭雄，多少人用生命，鲜血和理想，换来一线和平的曙光。和平得来不易，别忘了和平的代价.......

I was talking with mum the other day. We felt that those who survived the war were very very lucky ppl. We should count our blessing....

Joven 1st Birthday!

Yo, yesterday Joven finally turned 1 lor!! Sis got a chalet for him, but more for she and hubby I think *rolleyes*. Here are some photos to share....^^



Cute hor? Happy 1st Birthday Joven! You must grow up to be a good boy yo! ^^