From fellow blogger

I still am angry at the removal of Literature just for the mere reason that it is difficult to score As... kns.

---

Okay, let's see what's happening. Essentially the divide between rich and poor is growing wider and wider in Singapore. And some Singaporeans are getting left far, far behind.

What's the government's proposed solution? Basically their idea is to encourage the people to help the people (God forbid that the government actually be expected to help the people). In other words, the government has decided to rely on charitable organisations, NGOs, voluntary welfare organisations and the like.

And from recent government pronouncements, it seems that the government is expecting these organisations to do something quick, in a very big way.

I am very skeptical of this model. I don't think it can work in Singapore. In fact I think that failure would be likely in most other countries as well, but particularly likely in Singapore.

We simply don't have the culture and the mindset for this. Just look at our PAP leaders. They stand up in Parliament and without any shame, they loudly say that if we don't pay them the world's highest ministerial salaries, they will quit for the private sector. Either that, or they will feel compelled to become corrupt and start robbing the nation's coffers.

Like it or not, the PAP has been in overwhelming power for decades. Their mindset necessarily reflects something about the mindset of the people. Face it, folks - we're a selfish people. Just like our leaders, we're competitive, pragmatic, kiasu and greedy. The vast majority of us are not going to waste our time on charity work.

Years ago, we even scrapped subjects like Bible Knowledge and Buddhist Studies from our school syllabus, because they were economically useless subjects. Now suddenly we expect Singaporeans to brim with love, kindness and charitable instincts?

We're so hard-headed that many of our schools even scrapped Literature from the syllabus because statistics show that it is harder to score an A in Literature. Now Dr Vivian poetically refers to "the milk of human kindness" in his speech, but I bet most young Singaporeans don't even know that the line came from Shakespeare's Macbeth.

The other thing is that Dr Vivian is basically calling on the VWOs to be much more active, and pro-active, than they've ever been before. He's asking VWOs to step up their efforts in a massive way. But Singapore is not a place where civil society organisations thrive. This nation does not like people with a sense of mission. It's often suspicious of people who even have an opinion (remember that proposal to license all bloggers?). If you wanted to hold a public charity event for the blind and homeless, you'd have to get police approval.

That's how this nation has been, for a long time. Consequently most Singaporeans have been conditioned to think and behave in a certain manner. That manner is just not consistent with mass voluntarism. No, we do not brim with the milk of human kindness. Unless it can help us to score an A, but then we already scrapped Literature.

Besides, there won't be that many old, poor Singaporeans to care for. The government already has plans to export them.

http://commentarysingapore.blogspot...-skeptical.html

Damn Sian Day

Today is a sian day. Rained heavily in the afternoon. Could not concentrate on the last 2 chapters of my curriculum. Think must be mind blocked liao. Bought 2 CDs of classical music... kaoz, makes me wanna sleep..Zzzzz. Guess I still prefer Chinese classicals rather then the Western. Or maybe I just bought the wrong CDs. Haizz..... damn sian.

Was feeling very depressed when doing the last chapter of my sociology book. It seems like the world has changed so much, humans have changed so much, technology has changed so much.... it gets a bit tiring to be living in this world liao. We can discuss so many issues. We can protest to change the present situation, but would ppl appreciate it at the end of the day? Fuck, dun wanna think abot it liao.

P.S. Maybe I am not doing anything to change things which is why the fustration..... damn it. I am only human too....

Can't finished a poem I was trying to write.... gonna read more chinese books liao... :(

Lonely

"Lonely, I am Mr lonely, I have nobody for my own"...

Duh, few of my single friends were telling me how sian their lives are. No thrills, no goals, getting restless.... One was saying he might need a spouse, another was saying maybe too long dun have companion liao, so looking for one. A colleague was complaining where are all the eligible men..And Tam was the most recent one to tell me about this. Hiaz, so it seems everyone is getting a bit lonely huh?

Told Tam will share with her my pool of eligibles when I meet them....wahaha, dun worry, dun think we are not looking for the same type of man, so most prob no conflict of interest. :p She was asking me abt those in my classes. Eh, nothing so far leh, the better one was my tutor lor, but think he gay... so too bad :( Tam dun dance, if not there is a high chance of meeting someone. 2 of my frends got attached while attending Salsa classes including Charlie! Hmm... Salsa pretty hot now, sure a lot of ppl go learn. Suggested that to Hai San, one of my drivers too... :p Haaa, this driver also surname Ong and we have a medic Ong too. Chuan was saying the other day, wah, with the Ong family, we have 1 ambulance crew liao....wahaha.

K enough of my craps.... gonna go mugging into my books liao. Was stoning the whole day cos of yesterday's drinking. Its pay back time!!

Always look on the Bright side of Life

Some things in life are bad
They can really make you mad
Other things just make you swear and curse.
When you're chewing on life's gristle
Don't grumble, give a whistle
And this'll help things turn out for the best...

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

If life seems jolly rotten
There's something you've forgotten
And that's to laugh and smile and dance and sing.
When you're feeling in the dumps
Don't be silly chumps
Just purse your lips and whistle - that's the thing.

And...always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the light side of life...

For life is quite absurd
And death's the final word
You must always face the curtain with a bow.
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

So always look on the bright side of death
Just before you draw your terminal breath

Life's a piece of shit
When you look at it
Life's a laugh and death's a joke, it's true.
You'll see it's all a show
Keep 'em laughing as you go
Just remember that the last laugh is on you.

And always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the right side of life...
(Come on guys, cheer up!)
Always look on the bright side of life...
Always look on the bright side of life...
(Worse things happen at sea, you know.)
Always look on the bright side of life...
(I mean - what have you got to lose?)
(You know, you come from nothing - you're going back to nothing.What have you lost? Nothing!)
Always look on the right side of life...

Results for TMA03 back

hmm... got 75 for this again. Well, the comments given were pretty encouraging. However, what really strike me hard was how my essay or my view was so narrow.

4.Lastly, the question asked if there have been any social changes in the way religious wars and persecution are practiced. It would have been useful to first identify such social changes: migration from rural villages to cities;instant communication via live satellite TV and the Internet; the spread of religious communities over the global through globalisation. Now, how have religious wars and persecutions been affected by these changes? I would have talked about how Pope Benedict's remarks on Muslims (in aspeech given at a small Germany university) sparked a global response. I would have talked about how the Danish cartoons in Denmark sparked riots all over the world because of globalisation. This type of global response was not possible even 50 years ago. These are the social changes that have altered the way religious wars and persecutions are conducted.

Damn, I missed all those points! He commented something similar for my 1st TMA for research methods also. How come he can connect things and ideas so fast? :( I am impressed. Kaoz, really gotta train myself more on tt. I dun wanna just get a pass for my exams. I really wish to train up my analytical skills leh..... *sob sob*

Updates

Well, been quite a few days since I written haven't I? Today Mr Chia asked us out cos he did not have to look after his grandson, so we went to Red Star for tim sum...*yum*. Ate full full. Found out some gossips of our school from him too...heh heh. Time passes man.... he was commenting that he found a photo of our class and he can still identify us. Qingying told him we never looked at those photos any more cos we were so CMI then...-_-"

We chatted a while and realised all of us are waiting to turn 35 years old so tt we are eligible to buy a HDB flat! Wahaha... But I added something lar, if I stike Toto or Big Sweep (first prize, mind you), then no need wait for 35 years old liao... :p

Did I mention he was our english teacher? Told him I will like to improve the language and his advise was simple, read more, write more, listen more.... and he suggested writing journals.... told him I do blogging, but in Singlish.... you should see his face! :p

Haizz, one of my colleague tio complaint by a patient cos he requested the mother to help carry the patient and then the mother in the end hurt her knee.... -_-" . What do the top expect when they only give us 3-man crew? And hello... you should see the weight of our average Singaporean lor... so heavy. And will the top compensate if we hurt our backs? So what if they compensate? The injury will stay with us for life! Some family members really leave everything to us leh, kns... we also human okay? And how many patients we carry everyday? Own family member also dun want to help..... but I have to be fair lar, most of them are willing to if you asked them... :) Just hope there are more of these ppl out there...*pray*

Busy with my revision..... think I getting more haggard by the day. :(

註＊時間／語錄：

Diane Ackerman.美國作家：我不希望在我活至生命盡頭時，才發現自己只活了生命的長度，卻忽略了生命的寬 度。

Tennessee Williams劇作家：時間是最遙遠的距離。

小王子：你為你的玫瑰花所花費的時間，使你的玫瑰花變得那麼重要。

達文西：善用一天，可帶來一夜安眠；善用一生，可帶來幸福的長眠。

愛因斯坦：一個男人與美女對坐一小時，會覺得似乎只過了一分鐘；但如果讓他坐在熱火爐上一分鐘，會覺得似乎 過了不只一小時，這就是相對論。

Octavio Paz：在所有愛情裏，甚至包括最悲劇的愛情，都曾有一刻幸福的時光，把這一刻稱為超越凡間的時光也毫不誇 張，因為這就是征服時間。

張愛玲：於千萬人之中遇見你所遇見的人，於千萬年之中，時間的無涯的荒野裏，沒有早一步，也沒有晚一步，剛巧趕上了，那也沒有別的話可說，惟有輕輕的問一聲：噢，你也在這裏嗎？

Child rearing I

Just read an article from The New Paper. Some mother worte to the forum to complaint Singapore Pools of not being flexible enough for punters carrying infants or toddler to place bets. It is stated bets will not be accepted if punters carry a baby or a small child or those in school uniforms. This is for the good of the young, and just what is this mother thinking? If the rules are lax, and considering the amt of money Singaporeans donate to the Singapore Pools, children if exposed to gambling will think it is okay to gamble. Although it has been said that 小赌宜情, can you imagine what will hapen in the long run when children see their parents or caregivers going into stations to place their bets? Duh..... *rolleyes* Moral of the story? 没本事就不要赌，都是为了你好。。。 :p

Read another article, it is on "weekend" parents and kids. They called it the 5+2. No thanks to the competitive environment and the consumerism society we are in living today. Dual income is a must for the majority of the people. Nowadays young couples have their own social lives and of cos spent a lot of time on their career and leave the "dirty" jobs or responsibilies of child raising to their parents where incidentally are the default caregivers, or the maid, for tt matter. Bring the children home and spending only the weekends with them and expect the small ones to be close to you..... my foot k? Why the fuck have children when you dun have time for them? Like the saying goes "Ai piee, Ai Qiee, Ai dua liap ni" (want cheap, want fresh, want big breasts). Want the joy of having children without sacrificing your social life and lifestyle...TKK lor....

Kaozzz..

More Quotes II

Happiness is when what you think, what you say and what you do are in harmony.
- Mahatma Gandhi

I don't know what we're put on this planet to do but we're here damn it!
- Al Bundy

The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.
- From Moulin Rouge

Library

ust came back from the dance performance Carmen. Not bad, wow, Spanish dance and flamenco really not bad sia. Passionate, wild, sensual...mm...*wink* Not bad, can consider to learn bah (greedy woman, every dance also wanna learn :p).

Was at Jurong regional library yesterday. It is now a new building, but how can I forget the days when I dressed up specially just to go to library cos that was the only place mum allowed me to go by myself? And how abt the days when I visited the library in uniform proudly and peeped at guys from neighbouring schools? *blush* We had RVs, YuanQing, Shuqun, Dunearn etc. Always have a thing for RV guys....haha. I rem us gushing about how dashing guys from other schools were as compared to my school and Mr Chia was quick to defend his boys. His words "the grass is always greener on the other side" stayed with me till now. :p

Walking ard Jurong East brought back memories, especially Jurong entertainment center. Spent my youth there. :p The noodle shop I worked after my 'O's is no longer there liao... *sob sob*. I missed the arcade and billard salon where I spent with Junqin. I also missed the shop opposite BK where I always got my materials for making chinese knots and the cassette shop (plus the cute young boss, only 25 yrs old then) that I got all my Alan Tam and Jimmy Lin's album.

Those were the days.....

Studies

Got back my TMA02 today. Hmm, how come my tutor always give 75 marks leh? My prev TMA also 75.... maybe he lazy bah... :(

Hump, did I mention my result for last module was a B? In order to get a 2nd Lower Class Honours, I have to have an average of Bs for all my modules! Can I maintain that? Haiz, the B result must be due to my poor submission of my ECA. I was expecting a B+:(

Daoz, dun have much hope for this TMA03. Haven been putting my best yet. Then still got the exam next month. Written leh, dun know if I can maintain at 75%.... : (

想你

不经意又想起了你，对不起。

等一个晴天

等一个晴天 (蔡淳佳）

阳光中 风筝断了线
往事般 落在我面前
那是谁 忘了放风筝握紧一点
捡起了 那年的秋天
阳光中 我住雨里面
你给我 风筝和蓝天
那是我 忘了将幸福握紧一点
感谢你最后的相约
等一个晴天 我们会再相见
你说了 风吹我就听见
笑着说再见 就一定会再见
心晴朗 就看得到永远

阳光在 抚摸我的脸
感觉到 你还在身边
那是秋 牵回忆的手温暖一点
我独自 散步在从前
阳光在 照亮你的脸
难忘你 微笑的双眼
那是你 让离别可以晴朗一点
你背影我目送到今天
等一个晴天 我们会再相见
你说了 风吹我就听见
笑着说再见 就一定会再见
心晴朗 就看得到永远

等一个晴天 我们会再相见
你说了 风吹我就听见
笑着说再见 就一定会再见
心晴朗 就看得到永远
因为很想念 每天都是晴天
心晴朗 就看到永远

阳光中 风筝飞上天
你笑着 回到我面前
让我像 那风筝贴着天空的脸
让爱是今生不断的线

---

Theme song from MediaCorp production "等一个晴天". Touching hor? Have been waiting for this song by Joi Chua. Like what I always believe, "天无绝人之路" 人生总是有希望的。:)

There is another production "传略点" in conjunction with the Yellow Ribbon project.... should be a nice show... :)

无题

“若一件事需要想是否值不值得去做，那么这件事不做也罢”

Some updates

1. Rite, nothing special in terms of work, gotta 1 interesting case, but not convinent to share over cyber space, so pardon me.

2. Picked up 2 books from Sandra Brown. 1 romance, the other thriller. Felt a bit silly to be reading romance at this age. Seen too much to have any illusion liao. Unless someone appears to prove me wrong....haha.

3. Starting on TMA03 le. Another 2 weeks of constant research and mugging. Hope to score well for this. Decided to change my course to Ba Sociology with psychology. Shall apply for the change next term as I missed it this year. That shall set me back at least half a year to my degree. Fast fast finished so that I can free myself financially and embark on my goals soon.

4. Wanted to compose some poems, shall try to draw inspirations from ard me.

5. Went to GuanYin temple for prayers. Was blessed with a good lot, hope everything will go smoothly for me.

6. A colleauge informed more and more runners are gay when I commented she has plenty of opportunities to meet the opposite sex because she is athletically inclined. Hmm.... tt is sad news for us.. :(

戏如人生，人生如戏

Watching and chasing HK period drama " 金枝欲孽 ". Talks about the tricks the concubines used to vie being the emperor's favourite. So many themes and lessons for us. Sometimes we really cannot escape the condition "人在江湖，身不由己". One cannot be with their loved because of the situation their are in and because of the burden and responsiblilties that they must bear. Being silly and do all you can for the person you love but will never be. Maybe reading romance and watching too much soap operas makes my mind all mushy again... :p

“破釜沉舟” has always been my way of handling relationships. Maybe I am being too harsh on myself, or maybe I just want to be victimise. *shrug* Maybe there are better alternatives to problems, but I'm just too stubbon to see it. The courtesan in the show gave the following advise to one of the male leads, "Drinking to drown one's sorrow is justifiable. However to drink fast, get drunk fast, forget the trouble fast, is only temporary relief and the whole cycle begins again the next day. Plus, you are wasting the wine. To appreciate drinking as a therapy, you must drink slowing, allow the pain to penetrate you fully, then you will feel very tired, very drunk, you will forget and be well the next morning." I applaud these words. They are so true. To fully recover from the emotion, you have to savour it, have to feel it in your body before you can detach from it. Shall do tt the next time I decide to drown my sorrow.

From 城市灵魂 III

回到熟悉的地方

听到曾经的叹息

走过无情的岁月

已找不到爱过的你

Singapore at 40

Watched the last episode of "The History of Singapore". Sigh... we are really facing new challenges just like 40yrs ago. It has been said that City states dun last long, it will have her fair share of glamour and fame, but will die out soon after. Therefore the concerns posted by MM are very real.... will we be still be where we are 40 years later? How do we make sure Singapore is still Singapore 40 years later? Will we have a land to call homeland? Singapore is still such a very young country.... maybe I'm just being paroniod *shrug*

Maybe we will go into war, maybe we will be conqured by another country, maybe all our people migrate and there will be no original Singapore culture left around. Maybe you need to have blood shed and trying times before a country can mature....

Ah, why the heck do I care about all these? Just live a day to the fullest as it is bah. "The bridge will become straight when you reach it" ...lalalala....

Sex n Gender n social stratification

The topics for these 2 weeks lessons discussed about sex and gender and how the society uses them as stratification. Although the term sex and gender are use interchangeably, sex is defined as physical traits i.e. reproductive system while gender is defined as masculine and feminine roles being acted out. So in contemporary society, your sex and gender may not coincide ya know?

We discussed about catergorising sexuality into "good sex", "debatable sex" and "bad sex"... heh, who would have tot there is so much into sexuality?? :p Basically I enjoyed these few lectures and tutorials on social stratification in societies i.e. the ranking of people in a hierarchy. Many, many debatable points, it was fun! Had wanted to post more on gender roles and how we are "programed" to behave the way it is expected of us but it will be like delivering the whole lecture here.... heh.

We also talked about how the whole world is being geared towards capitalisim and money is what makes the world goes round. We are all being "programed" to be consumers who keep on buying and buying, then we have to keep on working and working, then the bosses will get richer and richer and then the bosses will keep on spending and spending and the cycle continues. Hey, come to think of it, life really has more to offer than these rite?

For example my tutor, he wore a blue stripe shirt today. Boy, was he cute... :p Broad chested, knowledgable, looks young, makes jokes, delivers good lectures, oozing sex appeal..... but he still got the ring on his finger. -_-" I hope he is not gay, it will be such a shame.....

Rite, my english really sucks! Having limited vocab is really crippling if you want to write a good and impressive report. Damn! Why do I have such competitive trait? I really want to excel in this course. Why am I stressing myself? :(

New Quotes

There is nothing so annoying as having two people talking when you're busy interrupting.

- Mark Twain

Beauty is only a light switch away.

- Unknown

That which does not kill us, only makes us stronger.

- Nietzche

You don't love a woman because she is beautiful, she is beautiful because you love her.

- anynomous

What's in a name? That with we call a rose by any other word would smell as sweet.

- William Shakespeare

Carrot, egg or coffee beans

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil, without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, "Tell me what you see."

"Carrots, eggs, and coffee," she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard-boiled egg. Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its richness and savored its aroma.

The daughter then asked, "What does it mean, mother?"

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity - boiling water. Each reacted differently.

The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak.

The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened.

The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they had changed the water. "Which are you?" she asked her daughter. "When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?"

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get even better and change the situation around you.

When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can't go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

You might want to send this message to those people who mean something to you (I JUS T DID); to those who have touched your life in one way or another; to those who make you smile when you really need it; to those who make you see the brighter side of things when you are really down; to those whose friendships you appreciate; to those who are so meaningful in your life. If you don't send it, you will just miss out on the opportunity to brighten someone's day with this message!

May we all be COFFEE!

Healthy Lifestyle

Wah, today healthy lifestyle man. Went for HSBC Treetop walk early in the morning with the gers. Walked from 9am - 2.30pm. Tracked from MacRitchie Reservoir to the Treetop walk, to the tower, to the Dairy Farm Quary then finally reached Bt Timah Hill visitor center...

Whew, 3 outta the 4 of us came back with injuries. Tam sprained her ankle again, Qi had a big blister on her feet and me with my knees giving me problem again. Kaoz, my leg like wanna break liao. :p

However, think we all enjoyed the trip cos very seldom to have mood for tracking, and think we had covered about 17-18 km? Not a bad achievement ya...

K le, gotta rest my legs now....

From 城市灵魂 II

回首往事如云烟

迷雾之中见孤燕

瘸腿孤燕游人间

只为残续古思念

---

春冬换季谁灌溉

楼空人去旧情怀

夜半无声落尘埃

破晓之前仍是爱

From a frend, nice hor? :)
Know what was his subject for this poem? Feeling 又淫又湿 tonite.......... -_-"

He said 吟诗，吟诗。。。越淫越湿。Kns rite him.... *tsk tsk*

Emotional Day

Today is quite an emotional day for me. Got me thinking abt lots of things..hee

Went to see "The devil wears Prada" and it triggers so many themes to think about. We have the theme of Work/ideals vs frendship/bgr, understanding between couples and the growing distance as we progress up the ladder. The theme of personification in order to maintain an image and how easy it is for ppl to loose themselves in search of their goals. Like what Meryl Streep said in the show "you made the choice". You choose what to do and you are in control... No excuses. :p

Maybe if I aren't so stuck up in my logic and beliefs and look beyond, me and Charlie would still be together. But I still belive things happen for a reason and this is a lesson for me to learn. Since my r/s all lasted pretty long and that my exs all tried to slavage the r/s, "I must have done something right" (Quote from the a/m show). Guess its just the balancing of the prev me and the new found me..... :) But I have yet to find a way to get an unpopular idea (especially something negative abt his tots or behaviour) without the men getting defensive. But I guess its natural to get defensive when someone says negative things abt you... *shrug*

Hmm.....noticed my tutor is always wearing blue checkered shirt, not the same one though. Haha. And my TMA02 is pretty exciting = more work. "Race serves as a basis for the distribution of social privileges and resources." Explain and illustrate... :(

Think I am more interested in Sociology then Psychology. Will have to really think abt what I want.... humph.

What Kind of Soul Are You?

You Are a Bright Star Soul

Like a shining star, you have no trouble being the center of attention In fact, you often feel a bit hurt when all eyes aren't on you You need to be number one in everything, no matter how trivial And it's this ego that both hurts your confidence and helps you acheive You're dramatic and a powerhouse of pure energy You posess a divine quality or uniqueness that's hard to define A natural performer, it's likely you'll become famous in some circles. Just learn not to take everyone's reaction to you so personally! Souls you are most compatible with: Newborn Soul and Prophet Soul

What Kind of Soul Are You?

Pretty true leh..... :(

Tarot Cards

Hmm.... my reading says I will have a great relationship. And it has never failed me. So I shall wait patienly for my Prince Charming bah.... :p

The History of Singapore

Yesterday ChL 5 was showing this documentry series on The History of Singapore. Maybe I wasn't paying attention in my history classes when I was in school, I just couldn't relate to our history then. But after yesterday show, it suddenly drawn on me how Sir Stamford Thomas Raffles developed this little country of ours into what it is to be today. How he planned and lay the blueprint of making Singapore the regional hub of trading.

National education is being taught at various levels of our education system. It is a good thing that RADM Lui is looking into how to improve on National education to appeal to the students. More thots have to go into it and as myself has shown, it may take some level of maturity or exposure to fully appreciate our history and culture and how important it is for us as citizens to maintian this harmony we took for granted. Of course our govt played a great part in how we view and treat out citizenship and national responsibility. And we can't deny our bo chapness has got everything to do with the way we were brought up, the way our govt inculcated social vaues and expectations. However, as our little nation progress and mature, isn't it time that we the citizens of Singapore do something for the progress of the nation instead of anti PAP just for the sake of it? The govt has to be responsible, so does the people. The world dun owe you anything, you are responsible for yourself and your situation.

I am a duty, honour, county person. I fight and defend my land for her people, not for the govt. I support National service and the character development it bring upon the people. You will see guys complaining about their NS, but deep down, they know these were the best time of their youth and the best bonding among Singaporen men.

Greed and quest for power is human nature, and it is so too for any govt for that matter. I hope the govt really walk the talk when they said they are open to ideas and solutions from the people (though I doubt they will really do it..lol). You are born into this world and you have to play by its rules. If you do not the have ability to be top of the pyramid, then be desinated to be a pawn at the bottom.....

Everything boils down to only 1 thing..... the basic of human nature.

P.S. If you dun understand what the f*** I am writing about, its okay. Cos I just wrote what came into my mind... it doesn't need to have any connections... lolzz

Looking back

Hmm, sometimes you need to loose some, take a step back before embarking on a new journey. After so many years of couplehood and back to single status these 2 years, makes me realised that perhaps it was my expectations or it was my insecurity and hardiness that caused my failed relationships. I am most affected by my r/s with Charlie. Haizzz...... so near yet so far.

Most prob I will approach my next r/s differently but can you undestand the conflicting feelings of anticipation and insecurity of being in a r/s? 怕被伤害，也怕伤害到人。 人，还是矛盾的动物。。。。

Rem my previous entry of no aim or goals now? Well, I recalled some people said that setting up a family allows them something to look forward to. Something they felt worth fighting and living for... hmm... perhaps the reason why people married was because they have reached a plateau in their lives and they need a new goal to look and work towards to. Maybe...*shrug*

Nice Moon

无限滋味上心头
无言以对，自叹愁

Nice moon tonite again. Looks just like those I drew when small...haha. Just finished my assignment, 2 more to go....

A bit lost in direction, no particular goal. Got a bit of internal struggle again but I can't let go....

Sound a bit poetic tonite hor? lolzzz

愛情的本質是背叛。

愛情的本質是背叛。

愛上一個人，先是背叛了自己的時間，為了思念一個人日夜顛倒魂牽夢縈。

再來背叛自己的知覺，將情緒的搖桿交給對方掌控，從此喜怒哀樂的表

情變成對方遙控上的一顆按鈕。

然後背叛自己的自由，把時間空間全割讓給對方，犧牲原本單身的自在。

當感情淡了的時候，開始背叛愛情的承諾，背叛對方。

愛情結束的時候才贖回自己，結束背叛。

除非，你又愛上了另一個人。

Attachment

Why do you say attachment is corruption? Are we not attached to those we love?
Does this need explanation? When you are attached to an idea, to a concept, to an ideal as the Communists are, or the Catholics, is there not the beginning of corruption? When I am tied to a belief, to a god, to an image or to a person, is there not the beginning of corruption? Please Sirs, it is not what I say - just look at it for yourselves. Is attachment love?

If I were attached to you as an audience (God forbid!) I would be exploiting you, deriving great comfort from you, fulfilling myself. Is that not corruption?

When I am attached to my wife, to my friend, to a piece of furniture or whatever it is, corruption begins: I have to guard it, I have to protect it, and so comes fear. Fear begins with attachment. I may derive pleasure in that attachment, comfort, encouragement, but there is always the shadow of fear in it, anxiety, jealousy and possessiveness; people like to be possessed and to possess. Is that not corruption because in that there is a sense of fear, anxiety, that I might lose it?

So can one live in this world without any sense of attachment to anything? - to one's beliefs, dogmas, gods, to all the various symbols, ideologies and images and to the furniture, house, experiences? Which does not mean that one becomes detached. When there is an attempt to be detached then detachment is part of attachment, because the opposite has its roots in its own opposite.

Is that clear? So when one understands the nature of attachment, the consequences of it, sees the whole movement of it, not just one particular attachment to a person, to an idea, or to a piece of furniture, but comprehend and have insight into this whole movement of attachment - then attachment drops away immediately without any conflict. Then perhaps one has love - because love, fear and jealousy cannot go together.

Saga seeds

Gee, a colleague recived a box of saga seeds today. Hmm... brought back memories of first loves :p It was very popular then to collect saga seeds and make handicrafts to the person you admire... hee. I still got a collection. V^_^

However, as we grow older, these small gestures of love do not seem to play a part anymore. We would all prefered something practical and expensive. How nice was the feeling of the effort put in and the appreciative smile that was to be on the face of your beloved. Hope I will still conscientious rem these little gestures to jest up my future r/s bah...:)

PS. Already got a list of places where the saga trees grow. Shall start my hurt for saga seeds soon...*wink*

Life!

---

Wahaha, a net friend send me one..... lol

Happy Birthday

Yo yo, 1 year older lor! Staring at the screen, I really dun know what to type. What can I say? Not very eventful since last birthday. Except this is the last birthday starting with the digit 2, there is nothing much to say.

I only wish I strike tonite's TOTO, wahaha, tt will be my only birthday wish!! :p

My tutor is cute

Wahaha, know why I am writing this entry? Cos my new tutor is cute.... :p Gee, additional motivation to go for classes...wahaha.

Then I realised I am more attracted to the tutor who is not as fit and good-looking as compared to another classmate of mine. But what is new? See all my exs know liao.... :p

Re-read a book I had. "Seduction by the Stars" by Lexander and Rose. Hmm... the seduction tactics had me in stitches. Haha. But some points are quite true lar. Like we Leos like pampering and to be pampered. And we with big egos always expected to be treated with royalty. Leo women also appreciate and are impressed with guys with lots of confidence. Bold, not wimpsy. Though we are always bossy, we will want someone whom can match us and a real man.... :p

And when Leo women feel depressed, the first thing they do is to call their hairdresser for appt. I realised I do tt too...haha. Will always do something to my hair when I dun feel good...

Ya, I will be impressed by a guy who is confident and know what he is doing.... and not afraid to try and pick me up. But of cos its up to me whether to acknowledge or not lar. Haha. But usually no lar, I dun entertain pick-me-ups like tt especially in pubs. I still prefer the more natural way of meeting ppl i.e thru introduction by mutal friends or common activties.

PS. It just strike me that I am writing all these especially on my tots and preferences is just a way to reaching out to ppl. Subconsciously, I need someone to understand me and accept me. You may think I am a narcissist but maybe the stating point of bloggers is just that. To be heard and be accepted.....

More Quotes

Love is too strong a word to say it too early, but it has too beautiful a meaning to say it too late.

-Unknown

Did it ever occur to you that you're so caught up in trying to make the right choice that you've never stopped to consider the possibility that there may not be a right choice, or a wrong choice, just a bunch of choices?

-dawsons creek

The only problem with following the crowd is that it's crowded.

-Unknown

I'm afraid to say i love you
and really mean it,
cuase i never want to get hurt agian
or make someone else hurt,

-Unknown

One of the worst ways to miss someone is talking to them on the computer, knowing that they are there looking at the screen on the other side...and you know that they still don't think of you that way...

-??

Sue the Govt? Allergic to giam chai?

Eh, saw the article in The Newpaper. More and more individuals are suing the govt as this is the only way to gain compensation for injuries etc. It mentioned 2 cases whereby the mothers on behalf of the teens sued the govt for compension for their injuries. Okay, me too lazy to type out both, so I shall just mention 1. This mother is suing the teacher of neligence from the pri. school where the teen studied. During a toilet break given by the dance teacher, the child fell along the corridor due to the rushing and running of the rest of the children for the toilet. Because of this accident, this teen had shortening of one of his legs. Now the mother is suing the teacher (i.e govt) for not keeping an eye on the children and allowing them to run along the corridors. I mean duh? Come on, we all have been kids, do you listen to your teachers when they asked you not to run? How much can a teacher look out for all children granted they are so hyperactive and there were more than a few of them? I know,in US, you can sue the other party even when you are in the wrong. What is the world becoming? Well, maybe the perspective of the mass are changing, new ideas, new regulations, new social norm.... haizzz...

Guess there is really nothing you can do except to keep a open mind on how the society changes. Hey, I am doing the socialogy component of my degree.... hmm, shall think of more issues for my topics for TMAs... hee

Did not sleep well last nite cos my leg ached in the middle of the night. Mum said must be the "giam chai" (salted vegetable) that caused it as this has happened before. It has been a long time since I had this kinda aching of my knees... :( Imagine I am allergic to giam chai?!?! Tiano.....

I was chio then

Wah, was going thru my albums. I was damn chio/cute last time man! Haha... (note the italics)

Decided to cut my hair le, think I look better with short hair..:p

Hmmm.... saw old photos with my exs. They reflected those happy times then. Haa. I am considered quite lucky you know? All my boyfriends quite sayang me one.... but tt was all in the past le. I realised I did not have so much wrinkles then..... *sob sob* Comparing then and now, experiences were written all over my face. I was no longer so carefree and cheerful. Charlie's mum commented before that I looked more seasoned (read hagged) after I left the Navy and started my biz. I guess you can try your best to fool the world, but you can't fool your body.... :)

And yes, now I know why my batch boys and RC mates commented that I slimmed down a lot. Indeed, I SLIMMED down a lot. Looked sexier and healthier then. Time to get fleshy... heee

Feeling nostalgic again...*rolleyes*

When a guy rejects a gal...

"...there is only 1 reason, he dun fancy her. " This is also true the other way round.

It is really hurtful and painful when your love is not being reciprocate. But it happens all the time.... haizz, sad.. :(

So you either persevere and hope that he/she will finally be moved by you or you can choose to move on. For me, I dun like to 强人所难，and I hope I will never deviated from this principle. If the guy dun like you, it will be meaningless making him yours. Then you will feel insecure in the relationship. 何苦呢？

Ah fuck, I hate life!

I love sunset

Hmm, was at Changi beach just now. Managed to capture the sunset at that moment.



Nice hor? Here are some places where you can catch very beautiful sunsets

1. Harbour Front
2. Sentosa
3. P. Ubin
4. Changi
5. Marina Bay (along Sheres Bridge)
6. National/ Indoor Stadium
7. West Coast
8. Tuas Naval Base
9. Singapore River

Parenting

Played with little Jovan just now. He is soooo cute and nobody will believe how clever this little imp is. Haha....

I looked at his cute little face and a rush of emotions set upon me. On 1 hand, the little one is so innocent and just arrived in this big world for mere 4 months, on the other, this is only the begining of his long and tedious journey on this earth. I know it is inapproporate for me to write all these negative ideas when a few of my frends are newly appointed parents.

The heavy responsibility of parenting can never be stressed enough. Just look at my own mum for example. She complained about worrying for us even up till now. A parent just can stand aside and not lend a helping hand when the child needs help. To the extent that the children's problems become theirs when the children themselves do not want to face it. We have been taking our parents for granted. Like my sis, mum has to help look after the kid while the parents are more concern about their own leisure. We children had been short-charging our mum. I feel ashamed of myself. :(

Because of my sis situation, I am in a depressed and negative mood again. When I look at Jovan, I can just imagine the challenges ahead of him. Growing up pains. All family has them. Growing up is really tiring and scary. We all have sad stories to tell when we were growing up. Some past are so painful that they are better stored at the very back of the mind.

With the problem now between my sis and her husband and her mother-in-law, I really cannot see the future for them. I look at the way my bro-in-law and his mother treat my sis and mum, I am really stuck for words. I dun know how my sis is gonna survive this marriage. Why can't he treat her and us nicer? Did he really have an agenda to take advantage of us? Why is my sis so muddle as to get herself into all sorts of trouble? When will she ever learn?? That is why my mum is so frustrated, my sis problem and happiness has become her problem now (and mine).... shit.

Maybe not having any children is the correct choice.....

Rumblings

Did it ever cross your mind on how you determine your dressing? Like do you built your dressing ard bags, shoes or accessories? Read this article in Urban, it make me realised I built my dressing ard my bottoms i.e. skirts, jeans, pants (not butts k?) Some people will decide what to wear to match the bag they have decided to take that day. Some will match the clothes to their choice of shoes. Me, I will first decide based on the activities of the day, followed by my mood of casual or dressy. Next, I will select my bottom (if I'm not wearing a dress, which is pretty often) and get a matching top. Then I will decide to make either changes to the bottom or the top if it doesn't feel rite. I make sure my bags and shoes matches the majority of my wardrobe so I usually dun have difficulty finding matching shoes and bag...V^_^

Okay, enough of me, myself and I. Talk about office politics. Haizz, why is there a need to differentiate which rota you in? Whether you EAS or ERS? We are all just working together, why can't we compromise and be more accomodating towards each other? Is there really a need to draw the line so clearly? Most of the time, we don't usually hate the whole group or whatever but at individuals. If it is the individual that you are unhappy with, be more objective and dun involve those innocents...

Been browsing ard my friends blog and I miss reading their updates. I think blogs bring people closer though we may never have met one another other before, like Mr Brown, Gayle, Rockson and such....

House work

Just finished mopping the floor, done the laundry, folded the laundry. Hmm.... I was thinking to myself, thanks to mum for making us do the housework when young. I mean helped to sweep, mopped, vacuumed the house. Washed up after meals, do our own laundry. if it wasn't for her, I guess I will still be a spolit brat who knows nuts about maintaining a house. At the very least, I can say I know how to do housework. Maybe due to the upbringing and culture, I think it is very embarassing for a lady to not know how to maintain a household. I mean there is a difference between choosing not to do and dun know how to do.

Modern women tried and strived to be the all-rounder superwomen. Okay, this sounds a bit crude, basically men want a woman who 进得了厨房，出得了厅堂，上得了床。 Of cos there are clever women out there who knows it takes real efforts to attain that level and are satisfied to fulfill at least 2 of the traits. lolz... damn, the women are going to hate me.

Back to the housework, tending family topic. Dun laugh at me, though I am from the X gen, I think I will be proud of myself if I can manage to tend and cook for my partner. Hmm....要做个聪明的女人！*wink*

PS. Bought this new washing powder, supposed to make white garments whiter and brighter. Well, shall see how white my pants will be later.... heh

Wise Advice

The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right time, but also to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.

- Unknown

---

Something that I have real problem adhering to....wahaha

Dun like unhappy things

Duh, know why am I writing now? Cos there is the repeat telecast of Holland Village on tv and I dun like scenes with unhappy happenings. Like someone kana framed by others, someone bullying others, you know, unhappy things and those that makes you feel all agitated.

Have this bad habit since young. I mean, I am like aunties that scold the baddies in those soap operas and such. You know it is all a show and that is the intention of the producers to stir up the emotions in its viewers. *rolleyes*

So here I am, like an ostrich hidding in the hole, refusing to go out to the living room and watch the show.... duh..

Nice Quotes

people always ask me . .

"how can you like him?"
"why do you love him?"
but it's okay . .
i don't want them to understand because then . .


they'd love him too !!

-.....

---

I didnt mean for this to go as far as it did
and I didnt mean to get so close
and share what we did
and I didnt mean to fall in love
but I did
and you didnt mean to love me back
but I know you did

-Plain White t's- A lonely September

---

And ever has it been known that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation.

-Wasu

---

"I know that I have to learn to say goodbye to the people in my past so I can move on but people just don't understand that no matter how hard you try you always have a little ray of hope that the people in your past will become the people in your future.

-Unknown

---

ever feel like the biggest problem in the world...is not the world itself, but yourself in the world?

-a friend while watching the stars

Happy Birthday, Leo

" blah blah blah.... This is the year to find the love of your life! Finally, all your emotional investments are paying off - it's raining men for single Leos. Blah blah blah....."
(from FEMALE Horoscope)

Yeah, the year is coming to an end and where are the locations that are raining men? *rolleyes*

Make me happy for nothing only..... lolzzz

百年修来共船渡，千年修得共枕眠

Was browsing my frends' profiles. Sent 2 testis of birthday wishes to my 2 NSF boys . They were a great help to me then. :) Time pass wor, it was like 4 years ago? Haa..

Some of my frends' status changed from Single to In a Relationship, some vice versa.

Realised there is this 2nd degree frend whom I had 一面之缘 in Sec 2. There were chances that a frendship might developed. After that, on-off I still get to see him, but maybe 我们缘分还没到，we are still not acquainted...haa

百年修来共船渡，千年修得共枕眠。 Really have to treasure your spouse.... 缘分得来不易啊！

Pride and Prejudice

Was watching the above mentioned Jane Austen's classic DVD yesterday. Got the main theme of the story, but think will go borrow the printed version to fully appreciate the story. Pride will make us miss some of life's greatest opportunities and relationships. Prejudice will make us miss the chance to know another beneath the skin and will result in missing 1 potential great relationship and friendship.

Such is the arrogance of human beings. And life always make a fool of man by making it such that "Sometimes the last person on earth you want to be with is the one person you can't be without." It is fortunate that both Mr Darcy and Elizabeth can put aside their pride and face their true feelings. It will be such a pity if one of them did not see the light. But that is how the reality is...... pity.

Reply

Ah Cheng's reply to my MSN tagline of " 明明已经知道答案了，到何时才放得下？" is " 明白与舍得还是有一段差距的 , 离开需要勇气...... 忘记却是难题.... ."

I have a lot of courage, as for the rest, haaa...

Short and sharp ghost stories

1、我一个人要乘出租车，司机问我：你们两个要去哪里？


2、一人从车祸的现场走开，迎面有人拦住他：hei !你的一只手还在车上呢！


3、车开得飞快，一个老太婆趴在窗外看著我。


4、开摩托车接女朋友下班，后半夜有点凉，女友温柔的张开双手搂住我。忽然她摸我脸：“冷吗？”刚想接口
忽然发现腰际女友的双手一直没离开，啊！


5、昨夜上网，朋友突然来敲我家窗户叫我出去玩~！正准备开窗说不去，
才突然想起自己搬家了，从1楼搬到10楼~~ 那是谁啊？？


6、午夜里，由噩梦中惊醒的我，看到哥哥坐在床边，轻轻地问我：“怎么了？”
我说：梦见一群抱着自己脑袋的鬼追我！是不是这样的？说着，哥哥把他的头摘下来了。


7、办公室的高层电梯只停15-30楼，在30楼工作的小F，一天加班到深夜后独自坐电梯下楼
电梯每层都停下开门，门外没人，最后，停在了14楼
门外一白衣女子说：好挤哟，我也要进来......

8、有个人看完此帖，没回，第二天就再也没醒来

*faint* lolzzz

收到你的信已经太迟

The latest book from 张小娴 . She never disappoints me.... :)

Nice read, almost makes you think there is love so sweet as in the novel. Haaa...



明明已经知道答案了，到何时才放得下？忐忑不定的心.....

Not a good nite

Haizzz, did not have a good nite. Although only 2 calls, both are RTAs and involving more than 1 casualty for each call. Knocked myself on the side-mirror of the ambulance when I was too eager to get to my patients and sustained a laceration on my lips. Luckily never broke my nose.... -_-". That case was bloody.

Did not sleep well (though you can hardly sleep well when you on duty). Had a nightmare. Was walking in this room with lots of cupboards and what was in these cupboards were actually body parts! Can't actually rem the whole thing, only think I rem is a guy holding my hand escorting me thru the room..... -_-". Aftermath of that bloody RTA??

Went for the 1st Asian Update in Resuscitation in CGH yesterday. We were updated on the new ratio between compressions and breaths for CPR. Will have to relearn everything again.....

Loss

Just came back from Jane's wake. A lot of TD members were there. My eyes were red when I saw her for the last time. Though we were not very close, I do feel a sense of loss somehow. It really is different if it is someone you know personally. Her accident happened in the early morning of 1st June. According to the family, she was pronounced dead at the scene. I dun know how I would feel if I was the one attended the call.

I remembered how sad and bothered 1 of my colleague was when his frend, also a paramedic lost his life. And of cos, I remembered Charlie's reaction to the news that his batch boy, Poh Chuan, one of the guy who was being murdered in Aus. He told me he needed to do some night driving. I was at a loss of how to comfort him.....

"Live the moment", something we should all learn to do. Appreciate the every second that you are in and savour the pure essence of just living in that moment. Be present. I think only then, will we be able to leave this world without regrets.

梁文福

如果要笑
＊＊＊＊

如果要笑就得让星星听到
要笑得那几颗嵌不牢的欲坠晃摇

如果有泪且任泪如倾
且温湿我即将寂寞的肩
且模糊彼此的容颜
成记忆里不锈的镜面

如果是青春结着它干嘛
让发夹去夹它的忧郁
让飞扬的风里飞扬

如果是别离就种下它吧
待他日各自走在归路上
也有一片成林的等待便于张望




昔日
＊＊

一条长路水泥新铺

快乐踩过去 忧愁也追过去

时间凝固后

哪个是哪个的足印

再也分不清




愁
＊

风景换季节的新衣在你窗外

你窗上的风铃叮叮催熟我的忧郁

望成窗的我的眼守着秋天的走过

走过的你踩响黄叶的如踩着我的叹息


＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

载走旅人的火车在远山下托一种

叫做烟的愁

窗边正愁的人抬头看着无聊的风

有一下没一下搓捏一团团

叫做云的梦


＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊＊

月台上这一端是黄昏

另一端是黑夜

下了车的归人以鞋声测量小站的寂寞

月台上记忆般挂着的钟

依然是时针停着等待

粉针指向离别

心情

今天的心情

有些纳闷
有些空虚
有些无奈
有些寂寞
有些无聊

他，已经再次踏上旅程了。你，应该可以放心继续单人行了。

Went for a swim just now, think the endorphins released are not enough.... lolzz

披着羊皮的狼

我小心翼翼的接近
怕你在梦中惊醒
我只是想轻轻的吻吻你你别担心

我知道想要和你在一起并不容易
我们来自不同的天和地
你总是感觉和我一起是漫无边际阴冷的恐惧

我真的好爱你我愿意改变自己
我愿意为你流浪在戈壁
只求你不要拒绝
不要离别不要给我风雪

我真的好爱你我愿意改变自己
我愿意为你背负一身羊皮
只求你让我靠近
让我爱你相偎相依

我确定我就是那一只披羊皮的狼
而你是我的猎物是我嘴里的羔羊
我抛却同伴独自流浪
就是不愿别人把你分享

我确定这一辈子都会在你身旁
带火热的心随你到任何地方
你让我痴,让我狂
爱你的嚎叫还在山谷回荡

我确定你就是那我心中如花的羔羊
你是我的天使是我的梦想
我搂你在怀里,装进我的身体
让你我的血液交融在一起

你确定看到我为你披上那温柔的羊皮
是一男人无法表露的脆弱感情
我有多爱你,就有多少柔情
我相信这柔情定能感动天地.

http://zmht.com/jinqu/piz.mp3

---

好凄美感人，可你会让一只狼恋着吗？LOLzz.....

What is fate?

What is fate? We have been talking abt "let fate decide" especially when it comes to affairs of the heart and in particular, singles around my age... hee. But how do you define if "fate" makes you fall for a particular person, or if you guys even know each other at all in the first place?

Do you call fate only in the situation when you like him and he likes you? Do you wait for something to happen before you decided you are fated to be together? Do you think if you are meant to be together, you will be together without you doing anything? I dun know. *shrug*

Here is one scenario, you see this guy across the room, your eyes met, he is an acquaintence of a frend. You 2 felt the attraction. Now you can do 2 things, either, you make an active effort to know more abt the guy, or you can say, "if its meant to be, we will meet again or get acquainted somehow." What will you do? Does having the urge to do something active in achieving your potential happiness count as "fate"? If its not, then how come you dun have the same urge with other people? And the fact that you did act on your action, does it points to fate too? That it is fate you overcome your fears and decided to do the chasing? *shrug* Am I making sense?

So how do you define fate? Does fate means that you need not do anything and the thing just happen? Or does it mean at that point of time, you decided to do something to give chase?

Fate, what a good excuse....haaa....


Afternote: Just saw what my frend posted on his MSN, 所谓的“随缘”，只是在为自己的行为与过错找个借口！Wahahahaa..... *clap clap*

Poseidon & Sick

Went to see Poseidon the other day. Not bad, but preferred Titanic. Not because of the love story, but of the fact that the director really potrayed the agony of leaving your loved ones behind and the struggle to survive. Think I will go buy the DVD of Titanic. Its a classic.

As for the aftermath of watching Poseidon, it reminded me of my Navy days, and that I had better revise my notes (if I have the time and motivation) :p and time to hit the pool again. Haven been swimming for the past 1 year!!! Can you imagine tt?!?! It also made me think of my hardy personality. How would I have reacted if the same situation hits me? Will I be as calm, as witty and quick thinking? Will I be lazy and leave the thinking to others and just be a follower? Will I be focused enough and have the will to live and find a way out? Sometimes you just need this kinda inspiration or motivation to get some things going.... :) And yes, dun forget to tell those you love how you really feel just in case...... Do live your life as you like and dun regret. Always be true to your feelings, you live only once....

Okie, just watched True Courage on the box. This guy Takidah, really, have to hand it to him. He was a promising young man, met with an accident with only 1% chance of survival. Although he made it, but he was in a coma and it took 14 days before he came to. He suffered amnesia due to his brain damage and underwent 19 operations for his injuries and comestic surgeries. He lost his previous memories, behaved like a 3-year old kid before he regained his ability as an adult. He broke off with his long-timed gerfrend so that she could carry-on with her life. He applied to NIE, and gone into teaching. He was determined to relearn everything and achieved what he has today. *Clap clap* Tt, is true courage. How many of us can do that if we were in his shoes?

We have to always relearn, re-organised our piorties in life. How we can live better and be useful in this lifetime. Time for me to reflect and think about things too.... I will need constant reminding cos I am human and a forgetful one too... :)

Kaoz, having flu for the past few days liao. Will see doc tml and rest before going for flu jab on Monday... Zzzzzz

Crash

Went to Mr Chia's house for a visit with the gers yesterday. Haaa.... and as usual, we picked his collections of movies to enjoy. He then recommended "Crash". The Oscar "Best Picture" Award, that won over "Broke back Mountain". Wow! Me and Qingying both watch the latter, but did not have a chance to watched the award show.

It was real good, both of us would choose Crash over Broke back moutain, hands down.

Several stories interweave during two days in Los Angeles involving a collection of inter-related characters, a black police detective with a drugged out mother and a thieving younger brother, two car thieves who are constantly theorizing on society and race, the distracted district attorney and his irritated and pampered wife, a racist veteran cop (caring for a sick father at home) who disgusts his more idealistic younger partner, a successful black Hollywood director and his wife who must deal with racist cop, a Persian-immigrant father who buys a gun to protect his shop, a Hispanic locksmith and his young daughter who is afraid of bullets, and more.

For two days in Los Angeles, a racially and economically diverse group of people pursue lives that collide with one another in unexpected ways. These interactions are always interesting, and sometimes quite unsettling. The film explores and challenges your ability to judge books by their covers.

Oh, I love this show. Really arouses my feelings. The racisitism that America is facing, the relationships between parents and children and couples. How very unexpected things can happen, how involved and interweave humans can be. Go catch it.

Take the Lead

Just watched the movie this afternoon. Wow! I love it!

Pierre Dulaine is a Manhattan ballroom teacher and competitor who volunteers his time to teach ballroom dancing to a group of New York inner city high school kids. Initially forced to participate as a form of detention, the kids reject Mr. Dulaine's efforts until his unwavering commitment and dedication finally inspires them to embrace the program, infusing it with their own unique hip-hop style while subconsciously learning valuable life lessons about pride, respect, self-esteem and honor.

I teared at the part when the 2 youngsters dance the Waltz. Really, the joy of just enjoying the dance, that you are oblivious to those around you....Sigh. How can I explain that feeling? Was really happy and glad I went for the show today. Thanks Rick!

Orgh.... it makes me wanna dance social and ballroom again. But I need to find a partner first. Who's willing?? :p

I really wan to make an effort to go for a dancing class... the fire inside just called out to me.

After the show, Mdm Ng called me regarding a performace in May. Can you believe it all happen at once? And Joan jio me to watch "Burn the Floor".... hahahah... what more can I ask for except to skip to the dance floor again.. *grin*

But had a unpleasent evening after that. Some stuff about work. Spoilt my mood.. *pout*. Talk to me straight. Dun pull ranks and name. I'm not threatened.. >:(

Baby plate

Wow... just saw the orange plate I used when I was a toddler in the cupboard. That was over 20 years old!! Hmm.. mum say it was to be used by my nephew. Heee.. and I asked her "You had meant to keep it for my child rite? " I grinned. Oh well, since I am still single, shall pass it on to my nephew bah. :) But its so sweet hor, imagine your child using the very same thing you used as a child. How very thoughtful of my mum.

And talking about my nephew, he has grown so big and he is smart.... :) Cute little thing, can't get enough of him.

PS. Kids are always cute when they are not yours.... :p

念

以为诉尽心意，已满足
以为不去思念，了牵忧
奈何满足无法填补心灵的缺口
奈何牵挂依然澎湃在心头

TMA03

Hmm... just finished my TMA02, must rush for TMA03 le. Deadline is 19 Apr. Add oil, add oil!!

This time round, its interesting. We are supposed to do a study of human behaviour through Self-reflection. We are to choose an unproductive or negative behaviour and what was the motivation for us to change it. If you can't recall, you can get another to be your subject. Good idea huh?

I've too many negative behaviour le.... hmm... shall write on my superior complexity. That was something I had but managed to find the motivation to change it. Hopefully able to come out with something bah...

Feeling bored, empty yet happy to have found back myself... duh... Must be too long never go dancing or workout le...

Ppl talk about Politics

Duh, politics and general election is what everybody'sblogging now... well, you can't find it here. :p Cos I dun wanna kana sue....wahaah

Anyway, most of us can see clearly what is before us, just that do we accept what is in front of us. There will always be contradictions in whatever things. Tt is life mah.... 人就是矛盾的动物, 政治虽不是人，但也不例外. Haizzz...(What the **** I am talking about?) :p

Do you feel cheated when you saw the heading for this entry?? wahahaha....

Dun mind me.... just my usual PMS.

Haaa.... think whatever happen, you are always back to the starting point. Just like I realised, this is the true me. I found back myself le. I've changed some, but I am fundamentally the same person as I was a few years ago. Tried to get into the main stream, but..... think I've come to terms with myself on my socialising with ppl bah. I am so very glad.... :). Answerable to yourself..... without doing harm to others. I will be a frend like how I would like to be treated as a frend.

Raining Heavily now

I like...... :D

But I pity my counterparts going for calls.... :(

Drive carefully when raining wor....

"The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they are okay, then it's you." - Rita Mae Brown

LOL....

To Say, Not to Say, Say lar

Said liao le..... V^_^

Whatever will be will be..... tt was what I expected too... :)

Frankly, I haven expected an answer cos I also dun know the answer myself.... just tot of Nike's slogan, "Just do it".

Well, at least now all my problems are answered.... shouldn't have much headache liao. I am glad I am back to myself 爱恨分明. Just do it, can think about the pro and cons and problems, but once decided, go ahead liao.... dun waste time. Come whatever the consequences may be.... Just know what you are doing :)

Tt is the true me! Must be able to face my own feelings... only then I m living.... ;)

PS. Just in case you are reading, do have the peace of mind that I am easy and open-minded and mature enough to accept whatever the outcome will be, even if there isn't an outcome, just like you say, let time do the talking..... :)

关于爱情

等待是一种心情，有时候......也是一种美丽
(However, somethings cannot wait too long one..... :p)

我和自己争论了许久，究竟是爱还是被爱幸福?
最好的是彼此相爱，如果没这么幸运，如今的我是会选择爱人....

为什么你总是若即若离，让我一颗心苦苦猜疑
难道是我自作多情，难道是我会错意
还是你不敢面对你对我的情意
而让一段情缘就此随风而去

The one?

也许前世注定这份缘，也许今生来相聚。

Show me some signal please......

青春游走

Was watching this prog yesterday. Wow! Its showing the youngsters and how they achieved their dreams... how I envy them.

There was this girl who likes music very much, she can play the erhu, guitar, piano, violin... wah... and she's got character. Sweet-looking, long hair, looks feminine. Dream ger eh?

Then they were showcasing this other ger who is so full of character. She do arts. Did an exhibition of her works in her own room. The whole exhibition includes visual, audio, abstact... she is really brave to go onto the artistic journey...

青春就是本钱....

Coming to 30 liao, still exploring myself. Should have a character by now. Guess I do have the basic principles, but hope to be more open-minded and forgiving. Wiser will be nice and being more mature and alluring bah.... but I will always be my jovial self..... ;)

To Say, Not to Say

To say, not to say? To say, not to say? To say, not to say? To say, not to say? To say, not to say? To say, not to say?

From 城市灵魂

Hmmm.... wanted to share what one of my poetic frend wrote..

虚报佳音的激遇，掏空感情的积蓄，有如流星的痕迹
如此短暂而美丽，留下的痛何时醒，那个世纪才忘记
想要忘记得失意，杏花村酒也难替
让我忘记你的名字，你的脸孔，你的谜
-------------------------------

跨别两年的回忆，盖满尘埃抽屉里
以为心疼已免疫，仍然锁眉想哭泣
天空突然一阵雨，难道上天也放弃
街边积水照身影，映出隐藏的孤寂
不想守着这秘密，用心诉说谁又明 ?

(compliments of 城市灵魂)

*Psss...changed some of your words hor... :p

Finally finished my Assignment liao!!

Wah... long time no update le. Have been very busy with my assignment. So many things to update but no time. Now dun have the "mood" liao. Nevermind, will try to write when the inspiration comes back. :p

Think I have to improve my language skills le. Haizzz, my grammar is just terrible! Got back my first assignment, 40 outta 50. Eh... a bit disappointed :( Hope I can score better this time round.

Trying to install a chinese input software since I've changed my laptop. But NJstar is not helping me!! *sob sob* I wanna get my software up fast so that I can start writing in chinese again. I am a chinese helicopter....heeh v^_^

Kay lar, gotta go back to installing my software le. Update again bah.

Baby and Assignment

Baby Jovan has been keeping us very busy, especially my mum. Have to look after both mother and baby. Luckily I was trained to look after babies since young as I am the oldest and my mum had been a babysitter for a long time. My skills for handling babies, changing diapers, feeding milk are still there, its just a bit rusty. Heh :p

Last nite tutorial was on intelligence. Just nice was talking about babies' brain development. Hmm.... nuture really plays an important part in a child's development. The importance of patience, love and stimulants cannot be emphasise enough. Told my sis and bro-in-law must really love their kid and give him a healthy environment for growing up. Children once born is your life-long responsibility le...

Haizzz, haven finished my assignment *sob sob*. Cannot be distracted anymore, must really focus and finish it!! I must!! >:(

Her husband is still a virgin

Newly-wed girl told mom her husband is still a virgin.
Mom: How do you know?
Girl: Last night when we made love, his cock was still in plastic cover.

Bangladesh Worker : Sir, me no come to work, me sick.
Boss : When I am sick, I have sex with my wife - try it.
2 hours later, Bangladesh Worker : Boss! It worked! Me ok now. You got nice house.

After sex, Thai girl kept fondling man's cock.
Man : Why? Want to have sex again?
Thai Girl : No lah, just admiring your cock. I used to have one before.

Women's lives are hard.
Morning - wash clothes.
Noon - hang clothes.
Evening - keep clothes.
Night - iron clothes.
Midnight - take off clothes.
After midnight - find clothes.

To make it straight, she pulls it.
To make it stand, she rubs it.
To make it stiff, she licks it.
To let it in, she pushes it. True?
Threading a needle is not easy.

A Sad story.
A woman's husband died & she had him cremated. She then blew his ashes into the ocean and said : Sweetheart, this is my last blowjob for you.

Girl : Mom, what is a penis?
Mom : When you become a good girl, you will get one.
Girl : But mom, wha t if I am not a good girl?
Mom : Then you will get many!

A lawyer who was confused in his mathematics asked his secretary: If I give you $3 million less 17.5%, how much would you take off?
Secretary : Everything sir! Dress, Bra and Panties.

Schoolgirl : I do not want to take the sex Education class.
Teacher : Why?
School girl : Someone told me that the final exam will be Oral.

Two sperms talking on mobile.
Ist : I'm somewhere between the fallopian tube and uterus. Are you close by?
2nd : No boy, I am taking a different route. I am just crossing the tonsils.

Scientists have discovered that the lightest thing in the world is a PENIS.
This is because it can be lifted up even by a simple thought.

Muahahahah....

Accepting

If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music he hears, however measure or far away.

- Henry David Thoreau

I am doing that and still going strong..... :D

From the net -> papers -> net

Growing old is mandatory.
Growing up is optional.

Teach a child to be polite at home and he'll never be able to merge his car onto a highway when he grows up.

The shampoo promised me extra body and I gained 3 kilos

One nice thing abt egotists is that they dun talk abt other people

My weight is perfect for my height - which varies

If swimming is good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man woth both feet firmly on the ground, and I show you a man who can't get his pants off

Is it my imagination or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

LOL

War

I was at firepost last nite. Ch5 was showing Pearl Habour. I was thinking please do not have war. You won't want to know how ugly a war can be.... 1 plane you took down, tt's 1 life lost. I've also seen how greedy and manupilative a leader can be in order to attain his objective. Ugly facts? We've gotta face it.

人间险恶，这道理我明白。However, you can choose how you wanna go about making the best outta it. You can only say you choose your path when you have the assesibility to all the other choices. I have already stated I wanna be true to myself and I will take the risks that comes with it. It okay how you choose to live your life and how you wanna face the outside world, you just need to know what you are doing and dun complain about the outcomes. Hahaha.... yea, I know, I do grumble sometimes. But deep down, I know the facts and am willing to face it. :)

I am sick and I wanna be outta this world......

Memory

Lecture for today is on Memory. One of the most important function of our brain. Not only your acedemic results depend on it, your conditioning depends on it, your emotions depends on it. Haha... must design a memory retention technique to study my Anatomy & Physiology liao.... *evil grin*

Coming to that, I have yet to do the left & right brain excercise. :p OMG, better start doing something liao..

Have decided on the COA (course of action). I will have the courage to carry out. No matter the consequence...heh. V^_^. Quote 1 of my frend's words, If you wanna see if you have changed, you have to be in that situation. I should be able to pick up and try again.. *Sings Guo Mei Mei's Bu Pa, Bu Pa*

Achieving what I want

Hmm.... actually I know all along what I want, what are my decisions. Just tt I lack the courage to act on it.... :(

Someone once said, the older you get, the more cowardly you are. True. I really do wish to have those heckcare attitude like when I was young. Rush, impulsive, but also simple and sincere. However, that is not the case as you grow older. Responsibilities, social acceptance, consequence management all come into place. Sometimes really feel like just go ahead and be impulsive, but...... still can't get past myself on all those considerations I stated above. Haizzz..

Busy & Tired

Hmm..... today is a tiring and busy day. 9 calls! The level 3s are having their ambulance evaluation at my stn for the next 1 week. Come to think of it..... it was just my turn a few months ago! wahahaha....

But sure a lot of calls for my stn today man. Non-stop. And arn't my back and shoulders ache.... tired.

Wanted to write more but think I too exhausted le, plus I haven been sleeping well these few days..... think I will be a good baby and turn in early for tonite. *yawnzz*

Partners and Marriage

By Eduardo Jose E. Calasanz

I have never met a man who didn't want to be loved. But I have seldom met a man who didn't fear marriage. Something about the closure seems constricting, not enabling. Marriage seems easier to understand for what it cuts out of our lives than for what it makes possible within our lives.

When I was younger this fear immobilized me. I did not want to make a mistake. I saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability, or sexual fever, or just because they thought it was the logical thing to do. Then I watched, as they and their partners became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. I looked at older couples and saw, at be! st, mutual toleration of each other. I imagined a lifetime of loveless nights and bickering days and could not imagine subjecting myself or someone else to such a fate.

And yet, on rare occasions, I would see old couples who somehow seemed to glow in each other's presence. They seemed really in love, not just dependent upon each other and tolerant of each other's foibles.

It was an astounding sight, and it seemed impossible. How, I asked myself, can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the others habits? What keeps love alive in them, when most of us seem unable to even stay together, much less love each other?

The central secret seems to be in choosing well. There is something to the claim of fundamental compatibility. Good people can create a bad relationship, even though they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. It is important to find someone with whom you can create a good relationship from the outset. Unfortunately, it is hard to see clearly in the early stages.

Sexual hunger draws you to each other and colors the way you see yourselves together. It blinds you to the thousands of little things by which relationships eventually survive or fail. You need to find a way to see beyond this initial overwhelming sexual fascination. Some people choose to involve themselves sexually and ride out the most heated period of sexual attraction in order to see what is on the other side.

This can work, but it can also leave a trail of wounded hearts. Others deny the sexual side altogether in an attempt to get to know each other apart from their sexuality. But they cannot see clearly, because the presence of unfulfilled sexual desire looms so large that it keeps them from having any normal perception of what life would be like together.

The truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long-time friends before they realize they are attracted to each other. They get to know each other's laughs, passions, sadness, and fears. They see each other at their worst and at their best. They share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy of their sexuality.

This is the ideal, but not often possible. If you fall under the spell of your sexual attraction immediately, you need to look beyond it for other keys to compatibility. One of these is laughter. Laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each others company over the long term.

If your laughter together is good and healthy, and not at the expense of others, then you have a healthy relationship to the world. Laughter is the child of surprise. If you can make each other laugh, you can always surprise each other. And if you can always surprise each other, you can always keep the world around you new.

Beware of a relationship in which there is no laughter. Even the most intimate relationships based only on seriousness have a tendency to turn sour. Over time, sharing a common serious viewpoint on the world tends to turn you against those who do not share the same viewpoint, and your relationship can become based on being critical together.

After laughter, look for a partner who deals with the world in a way you respect. When two people first get together, they tend to see their relationship as existing only in the space between the two of them. They find each other endlessly fascinating, and the overwhelming power of the emotions they are sharing obscures the outside world. As the relationship ages and grows, the outside world becomes important again. If your partner treats people or circumstances in a way you can't accept, you will inevitably come to grief. Look at the way she cares for others and deals with the daily affairs of life. If that makes you love her more, your love will grow. If it does not, be careful. If you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

Look also at how your partner confronts the mysteries of life. We live on the cusp of poetry and practicality, and the real life of the heart resides in the poetic. If one of you is deeply affected by the mystery of the unseen in life and relationships, while the other is drawn only to the literal and the practical, you must take care that the distance does not become an unbridgeable gap that leaves you each feeling isolated and misunderstood.

There are many other keys, but you must find them by yourself. We all have unchangeable parts of our hearts that we will not betray and private commitments to a vision of life that we will not deny. If you fall in love with someone who cannot nourish those inviolable parts of you, or if you cannot nourish them in her, you will find yourselves growing further apart until you live in separate worlds where you share the business of life, but never touch each other where the heart lives and dreams. From there it is only a small leap to the cataloging of petty hurts and daily failures that leaves so many couples bitter and unsatisfied with their mates.

So choose carefully and well. If you do, you will have chosen a partner with whom you can grow, and then the real miracle of marriage can take place in your hearts. I pick my words carefully when I speak of a miracle. But I think it is not too strong a word. There is a miracle in marriage. It is called transformation. Transformation is one of the most common events of nature. The seed becomes the flower. The cocoon becomes the butterfly. Winter becomes spring and love becomes a child. We never question these, because we see them around us every day. To us they are not miracles, though if we did not know them they would be impossible to believe.

Marriage is a transformation we choose to make. Our love is planted like a seed, and in time it begins to flower. We cannot know the flower that will blossom, but we can be sure that a bloom will come. If you have chosen carefully and wisely, the bloom will be good. If you have chosen poorly or for the wrong reason, the bloom will be flawed.

We are quite willing to accept the reality of negative transformation in a marriage. It was negative transformation that always had me terrified of the bitter marriages that I feared when I was younger. It never occurred to me to question the dark miracle that transformed love into harshness and bitterness. Yet I was unable to accept the possibility that the first heat of love could be transformed into something positive that was actually deeper and more meaningful than the heat of fresh passion. All I could believe in was the power of this passion and the fear that when it cooled I would be left with something lesser and bitter.

But there is positive transformation as well. Like negative transformation, it results from a slow accretion of little things. But instead of death by a thousand blows, it is growth by a thousand touches of love. Two histories intermingle. Two separate beings, two separate presence, two separate consciousness come together and share a view of life that passes before them. They remain separate, but they also become one. There is an expansion of awareness, not a closure and a constriction, as I had once feared. This is not to say that there is not tension and there are not traps. Tension and traps are part of every choice of life, from celibate to monogamous to having multiple lovers. Each choice contains within it the lingering doubt that the road not taken somehow more fruitful and exciting, and each becomes dulled to the richness that it alone contains.

But only marriage allows life to deepen and expand and be leavened by the knowledge that two have chosen, against all odds, to become one. Those who live together without marriage can know the pleasure of shared company, but there is a specific gravity in the marriage commitment that deepens that experience into something richer and more complex.

So do not fear marriage, just as you should not rush into it for the wrong reasons. It is an act of faith and it contains within it the power of transformation. If you believe in your heart that you have found someone with whom you are able to grow, if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, if you have the strength of heart to embrace the cycles and seasons that your love will experience, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. If not, then wait. The easy grace of a marriage well made is worth your patience. When the time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom...endlessly.
--------------------------------------------
Why are we waiting.... why are we waiting..... must wait till when leh?

Why Man call their spouse Darling

A fellow was invited to the home of some old friends for dinner.

His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc.

The guest was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his friend,"I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those lovely names."

The old guy hung his head. "To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
---------------------------------
Kns rite??? Hahaha....

Accidentally in Love?

Aye, cases for my last nite duty were all nonsensical, stomach pain lar, headache lar etc etc.

Time to go for a haircut? See my mood first bah. Shall reserve it when I am in really bad mood.. :)

海鸟跟鱼相爱，只是一场意外..... possible that 2 very different characters fell in love with each other? Well, I must admit there are successful cases ard...

Hmmm...... why should I write this entry and why should I ask this qn leh??

Pls dun mind me, just one of those nonsensical days.....hahahah...

Bad mood

Was feeling real bad last nite. My medic commented I looked pale while attending to a patient. So I scared him, "Yeah, I will collapse soon, see how you handle 2 patients bah!" Haha.

Felt like drinking, so in the end got a long-time frend to drive me out at nite. It was good, its great to have a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold you when you are feeling down. Just need to be wildful and sa jiao a bit >_<. Got some things sorted out too. Thanks Alex! Really appreciate tt.... :)

What do you do when you get 2 broken hearts?

Got me thinking abt this topic this afternoon. There are a lot of singles ard me. My frends, myself etc. The reason we are single? See my prev post on "Confession of 300 unmarried man". So what if some of us are longing for that part of life? Is it really by choice that we choose to stay single? The main reason I heard from frends is that they have no faith in love/relationship, that, including myself. Some have been hurt before, some find it too troublesome, some haven found The One, some just stopped looking and let love find them.

Frankly speaking, ppl at my age dun view love relationship as simple as "I love you, You love me". We know things are more complicated than that and so...... we usually tread the path of love with extreme caution. Things to take into consideration are families, frends, values, personality, compatability. "can this person take me for what I am?", "can I be myself when I am with him/her?", "Will he/she able to take my nonsense in the long run? If can, how long before he/she will blow up and can't take it anymore?", " Will our feelings for each other change with time?", "Can I accept him/her everything, warts & all?", "Am I prepared to put in effort and sacrifice for this person?", "Change some of myself to make this person happy" . So many uncertainties..... so many fears....

I have this morbid thought, "If you are going to lose it, might as well not have it in the first place". Maybe we have seen too many bad examples ard us. So, how do you put 2 fragile hearts together? Both are so scared of getting hurt, none wanted to break the comfort level they are enjoying now. Its easy for us to say, aiyah, just try lor, dun try you never know.... but how many of us are really brave enough to take that first step? Not many I guess, not even me... Untill then, I think our govt still have much to convince us the benefit and joy of starting a family....

Brain & Behaviour

Well, went for my 2nd lecture today.... talked abt brain and how it affects human behaviour. The frontal lobes of the cerebral cortex are responsible for our emotions, our personality etc and if it suffers some damaged or some changes, that may alter an indiviual's personality and his perception. So.... maybe I shan't be too persistant in retaining my personality. Maybe just like the teachings of 佛学

(extract of The Heart Sutra ) -
色不异空 空不异色色即是空
空即是色受想行识 亦复如是
.
.
.
.
.
不生不灭不垢不净
不增不减是故空中无色
无受想行识无眼耳鼻舌身意
无色声香味触法
无眼界 乃至无意识界
无无明 亦无无明尽
乃至无老死 亦无老死尽
无苦集灭道 无智亦无得 以无所得故

Nothing is really there...... However, it really really is difficult to practise it... :(

Enough of the spritual thingy.... back to hard science facts. Hmmm.... I'm gonna develop more interaction b/w my 2 hemispheres of brain. Used to be a very right-brained person, but after loads of practise, think I'm a much more balanced person now (I hope) Maybe that might change the way I do and percieve things. Am I ready for it?? Its the "identity crisis" again........ duhhhh

Confession of 300 Unmarried Man

Went to watch this local production by Action Theater. Its supposed to show insights or reasons of unmarried man in Singapore. Some reasons are already well-known but what really intrigue me was that they are actually loney ppl, shy and are little boys at heart (so cute) They long to have a companion too....

Confession of 300 unmarried man
-shy
-inferior especially those blue-collared workers (very few women would marrying down)
-dun want to drag ppl down (inferior complexity)
-can only love once
-bad experience from parents
-dun like commitment
-too comfortable to give up bachelor life
-gf's frends dun like me
-afraid of rejection
-waited too long for HDB

There are many more, but all boils down to these few core reasons.

Especially liked a segment where the actors used Conveyor belt sushi as analogy...

Love is like a conveyer belt of sushi, you picked up what attracts you and eat it. If its not your taste, put it back on the belt (yucks, dun think anyone would be tt uncivilized bah). There are so many variety to choose from, plates and plates that come right in front of you. You might not pick the first plate that comes your way cos you wanna wait and see if there is a bigger and fresher plate that will come by later. And if it doesn't, you will think of getting back the first plate. But if the first plate really comes back, you will think that it isn't as fresh as before and the uncertainty if anyone else had touched it!! (Ouch) And there will be this nudging question at the back of the mind, "Is there anything wrong with these sushi that are still on the belt? Why haven they been chosen yet?" and you wonder if other ppl are thinking the same thing as you. Ha... But maybe you haven't realised, you aren't tt fresh anymore too! Wahahaha...Up to you to interpret and digest bah. :p

This part has nothing to do with unmarried man (or maybe it does) Someone commented I dun look local when I was on my way back, he said that not only because of my dressing. I think its the same guy who commented on my bag the previous time. Hmmmm.... and he seems to know a lot of ppl ard the area. Am I looking at him thru colored lens too.... tt he is a weirdo? But sometimes you just have to protect yourself cos you never know what tt person's motive might be. *Shug* So sad..... :(

Quotes found from net

"Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that, if he concentrates, he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and, if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him."- Unknown

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.- The Serenity Prayer (Reinhold Niebuhr)

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.- Goethe

They say men like cars and women like clothes. I definitely agree. I mean, as long as I stay in my car, what the heck do I need clothes for?- The Covert Comic

I smile! Because I don't know what the hell is going on.- Happy

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all. - Michael J. Trent

http://www.boardofwisdom.com/

对于无回应的爱情

不再有幢景，只有无奈的惋惜......

So this is Valentine's Day

Well, over midnight liao, but.... who cares?? :p Hmm... spend my V Day with patients today. Got my first DOA case.....

Got to know one of my frend was reverted back to single status today, I meant yesterday.. Hmm... what can I say? V day, makes some people happy, some sad, some nostalgic, some loney etc etc. But to break up on V day?? Hmm... a bit "shuo bu guo qu" wor. This day might make you think silly thoughts too.... hahahha.. myself included. I was trying to rem what were the progs I had with my exs.... :p Time passed, time passed.

Yawning away liao.... think I will write more tml bah... nite. And yes, Happy Belated Valentine! :)

Morning Breeze

Was walking back from work this morning. Caught a gush of morning breeze. Hmmm..... nice feeling, cool cool de and very refreshing :) I rem I used to open my front door early in the morning to wait for my dad to be home from his night shift when I was small. Loved the fresh, sweet smell hanging in the morning air. 曾几何时空中已不再弥漫着新鲜的 morning air? Its the same with after-rain freshness. Used to love the air after the rain, but now? *shrug*

I like
Morning - morning breeze, sun rise
Evening - sunset, sky
Afternoon - blue blue sky (if have) and clouds
Raining - grey/dark sky & the romantic/诗情画意 ambience
Nite - stars and moon^_^

Organising from the right-side of the brain

Hee.. went to borrow this book that I chanced upon in Popular Bookshop. Wahhahaha... I was chuckling while reading ( I am 1/4 done, but I just had to stop and pen this down ;p). So many things I wanna write but dun know how to organise..haha.K

, some characteristics of a Right-Brainner that I've checked are: Absentminded, Clutterer, Curious, Disorganized, Easily distracted, Emotional, Fun/playful, Impulsive, Inconsistant, Indecisive etc etc. (Guess all of us will check one or the other)

This book suggest ways that a right-brainner can organised his/her space and things in the way they are tuned to. For example, he suggested pile instead of file your papers cos filing our papers are just not what we do. In fact, I have been using this system even before reading the book. I just chuck lose papers in files or folders and shelf them according to the subjects. My room and desk are forever messy. Guess I just can't stand a clutter-free desk *shudder* It becomes sort of like a security blanket for us already. Since we are absent-minded, outta sight means outta mind, we need to see the things to remind us of their existence. My desk.... although I would like it to be clutter free, fact is I clear my desk in the morning, it will revert back to its original state in the afternoon.. -_-"

Being very emotional ppl, we tend to retain all keepsakes we had to remind us of the memories, and that = loads of rubbish. Okie, the book suggested the things to be kept in a box and when the box is full, sieve out what you dun want, and if you really want to keep a little something, keep only 1 thing of that memory/event and do away with the rest. This is what I have been doing also... V^_^

Other tips to share are breaking down the task to smaller ones that we can maximise our attention span on. So for example clearing your wardrobe, you could spend the first half of the day trying all your clothes to make sure they still fits, then clearing your desk, then back to clearing away those clothes that no longer fits etc.

This book not only teaches you to organise, it also brought out some points to ponder on. Just as much I'll like to retain my "individuality", some of the traits of a right-brainner is not going to do me good. Ppl fear change, especially if they have to change themselves. I am. I was unwilling to change cos I fear I would lose my identity that I carried with me since young although it will be for the better. If I change, I will no longer be me! But as I grow older and see more, I began to losen up. I am still dealing with this "identity crisis" after 2 years or so. Guess this is a real hard barrier to break. :) What is heartening is that I've gown and matured and I am not so stubbon as to just do it my way. Life is a journey of self-discovery and I hope I am able to find the true meaning along the way.

PS. If you checked the above traits, you can grab this book for leisure reading, a good food for thought. :)

缘分

你相信缘分吗？真能遇到有缘人吗？有缘分就能在一起吗？果真有那种“就是你了！”感觉的人吗？若你是真命天 子，为何当初的感觉会变质呢？ Hmm... I am getting groggy from all my questioning le. -_-"