傻女人

在現在這個現實與即食的世界﹐" 夫妻本是同凌鳥﹐大難臨頭個自飛" 的例子太多了。試問我能不心寒嗎 ? 我嚮往的只是一段純真的愛情。一段沒有面具﹐沒有戒心的愛情 。就是單單純純的愛一個男人 。真正的愛是無私的吧 ? 是不求回報的吧 ? 如果你遇到了一個疼愛你的人但你覺得你不能跟他付出的一樣多﹐你會放棄嗎 ? 會覺得他應該遇到一個更珍惜他的人嗎 ? 還是會好好的享受被愛的幸福 ? 可能人都是泛賤的吧 .... 往往就是不會珍惜與享受被愛的幸福卻對那些視你于糞土的人死心塌地 。Haaa.......人可真泛賤啊 !

我也是屬於這類型的人吧﹗我祇想能全心全意的愛一個人 。能遇到一個讓我愛他多于自己的男人 。可是如果讓我遇到了﹐我往往都不會是他的最愛 。Haaa...... 真矛盾啊﹗曾有個友人說過 "In Love, either you love or you dun. You will be very selfish to one, yet you will be very generous with another. " 我覺得蠻有道理的 。張小嫻在她的一篇文章寫到

" 你相信永遠的愛情嗎 ? 世上有兩種女人 ﹐一種聰明而孤絕﹐太了解愛情的真相﹐所以不快樂。 一種天真而簡單﹐幸福的被一個男人愛着 。 你又屬於哪一種呢 ? "

我想我是屬於第一種 。但﹐ 做個簡單的女人何嘗不是種幸福呢 ? 有時﹐太過清醒並不是件好事 。如果哪天我真遇到了一個能讓我無條件愛他的人而我不是他的最愛﹐ 我寧願不要知道真相﹐就讓我相信我是他最愛的人 。有時我也想做個簡單的女人...........


Something I wrote 3 years ago.... ironic isn't it? lol

But whatever it is, I will not stick with someone who dun love me, no matter how much I love him. I've come to accept only 2-way street. I value myself.

我能付出所有，但得值得。。。。是一个真正爱我的人，和我爱的人。

Humour found on net

LIFE'S A TEST - AND YOU'RE GRADED ON A CURVE

At age 4, success is...not peeing in your pants.

At age 12, success is...having friends.

At age 16, success is...having a driver's license.

At age 20, success is...having sex.

At age 35, success is...having money.

At age 50, success is...having money.

At age 60, success is...having sex.

At age 70, success is...having a driver's license.

At age 75, success is...having friends.

At age 80, success is...not peeing in your pants.

想哭

刚读到一位部落朋友的entry. 让我鼻子一酸...... 是为我和他。

Sad day, Glad day

Went for a fall from height case. Sad.... the girl was only 6 years old. I was already getting my "ga chang" ready to scoop and go. But when I saw the girl at scene, my heart sank. It was a clear cut case of dead on arrival. What can I do? I can only tell the cruel truth to the parents and comfort them...... sad.

On the other hand, I'm so glad to have a chance to talk to Joanna, a ITE lecturer who is attached to my station for ambulance run. She is my support pillar man.... thanks to her that I felt so much better. At least I know who I can turn to when I run into r/s problem.

And Uncle and KY also lend me their arms and shoulder as punching bags....haha. Thanks to them.... I will be strong.

无奈

Leo and Scorpio Love Match
When Leo Dates a Scorpio
By TAROT.COM

Scorpios prefer to play out their dramas in private, and might find the Leo's loud roar childish and hard to understand. Scorpio needs a lot of emotional space and clear boundaries, while Leo needs over-the-top displays of love and affection. Leo might not get what they need with a Scorpio, who is more reserved with their love. It's not hopeless, though. If Leo can learn not to express absolutely everything they feel, all the time, and their Scorpio can understand that Leo needs attention and make an effort to be more demonstrative, Leo and Scorpio can make it work.

Scorpio and Leo Love Match
When Scorpio Dates a Leo
By TAROT.COM

Leos are outgoing and flashy, often grabbing the limelight away from less showy signs. Scorpio wants to be respected and recognized for their accomplishments, and if Leo steals attention away from Scorpio, they'll find it unbearable. Scorpio and Leo are both fixed signs, which means they can both be stubborn when Scorpio wants to be - and they often do. This isn't an impossible relationship, but it will require a lot of compromise and acceptance on both sides. If Scorpio and Leo can pull it off, they'll both be rewarded with a loving, loyal partner who is in it for the long haul.

:(

Are You the One For Me?

Yo, reading this book by the same author Barbara De Angelis (Click on the Title for the link) Wah...like this book man. Basically guiding you or rather provide you the pointers to be in a healthy relationship, not a toxic one. To find the Right Partner for you... not just any partner.

It also discuss why we choose the people we love, avoiding who's wrong, marrying for the wrong reasons and even a compatibility formula! I will just list down 1 interesting part that most of us will be familiar with.

To be in a fulfilling relationship depends not only on LOVE. Okay, not too romantic if you think about it but not matter how much we deny, deep down we all know it requires much more than just love to maintain a relationship.

We all got our ideas of love and romance through novels, movies, songs etc etc. Sigh... how I wish my love life will be as romantic as in the movie or as sweet as in a song. However, Barbara believes that we do not make intelligent choices on love because we believe in the Deadly Myths about Love.

MYTH #1
TRUE LOVE CONQUERS ALL

MYTH #2
WHEN IT IS REALLY TRUE LOVE, YOU WILL KNOW THE MOMENT YOU MEET THE OTHER PERSON

MYTH #3
THERE IS ONLY 1 TRUE LOVE IN THE WORLD THAT IS RIGHT FOR YOU

MYTH #4
THE PERFECT PARTNER WILL FULFILL YOU COMPLETELY IN EVERY WAY

MYTH#5
WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE POWERFUL SEXUAL CHEMISTRY WITH SOMEONE, IT MUST BE LOVE

Alright, I know you will not agree to some of the myths as it is pretty clear that there is no logic... for example #5. I'm sure most of us will not believe it. But I'm also pretty sure most of us hold and believe some from #1 to #4. Some people might argue that they are not myths, but the truth about love. Well, your life is yours and it is up to you how you want to live it. Nobody can change you if you do not want to change.

For myself, I think I fall for #1, 2 and 3. Haiz.... it is really scary to think that the beliefs you hold true to now is not the truth. I mean it is soooo romantic to believe what was written above, don't you agree? But I guess we have to come back to reality. And it is a bit scary...to tell the truth.

I decided to do the exercises in the book because I am committed to have a healthy and fulfilling relationship.



Of cos the main reason is "Because I'm worth it." *wink*

The Real Rules

Went to the library to get a few books so that I can will away my time for standby for the F1. I will be at UOB building, so I won't have a chance to see the action but I least I get to hear the tires screeching.... :p

Just finished this book by Barbara De Angelis, Ph.D "The Real Rules"(Click on the main title for a link) talking about dating rules to find the right man for you. Interesting read. It dispute some old rules of dating from our mother's time like acting hard to catch, have to maintain mysterious to capture a man's heart etc etc. In place, she established a new set of rules that most women now would agree more on. At least I do.

I especially like the Chapter on "4 stages of commitments in a relationship". That basically sums up what I was trying to do and boy am I glad that someone thinks the same way too.

Sometimes when a woman wants a commitment from a man, it not necessary mean marriage.

Commitment level #1 : Commitment to be sexually and emotionally monogamous
Time line: 0 - 3 mths

Basically means exclusive dating. Meaning you dun sleep around and have other intimate relationship with another person

Commitment level #2 : Commitment to work towards a partnership
Time line: 3 - 6 mths

This stage is called A Developing Relationship
When you feel:

• Your relationship is getting better and better
• You are sharing most aspects of your time and life together
• You are starting to think as a "we"

then you are ready for a Level 2 commitment.

Agreements you and your partner should make includes:

• You and your partner agree that your relationship is special and worth nurturing
• You and your partner agree that your relationship has the potential to be a lasting partnership
• You and your partner agree to work together through honestly communicating feelings, looking at your own blocks to intimacy, and learning to understand one and other in order to create that potential lasting partnership

Commitment level #3 : Commitment to spend your future together
Time line: 6 mths to however long you need

The time spend on this level is up to individual and couple. On the age and their relationship experience. Those younger need a longer time while those in their 30s and with relative experience and know what they want may spend a shorter time at this level. This is where a couple builds their foundation.

You are ready for a Level 3 commitment when

• You have created a strong and healthy partnership that is functioning well most of the time
• You feel sure that you want to spend your future together, if not for the rest of your life
• You have no desire to investigate anyone else as a possible partner
• You feel totally loved and appreciated by your partner almost all the time
  

Agreements you should make with your partner at this level

• You and your partner agree that you want to spend your future together
• You and your partner agree to formalise your commitment by either:
  - becoming engaged to be married
  - planning on becoming engaged as soon as you can
  - deciding to live together
• You and your partner agree to continue working on yourselves and the relationship in order to eliminate any remaining doubts or obstacles to a successful lifetime commitment

Commitment level #4 : Commitment to spend the rest of your lives together

You are ready for a Level 4 commitment i.e Marriage
When:

• You've had a Level 3 commitment for some time (engaged, living together etc) and have worked through whatever circumstantial obstacles or emotional issues were in your way.
• You have total trust and faith in your relationship and its ability to continue to grow as well as survive whatever adversity it faces
• You feel excited about exploring deeper levels of love, intimacy, and surrender with your partner
• You are sure that you and your partner have enough compatibility to be "right" for each other

There! You have it, when you are ready for Level 4 commitment, Congrats, you are ready for a marriage. Agreements will be your marriage vows... :)

If your partner does not agree to any of these or that when you are ready for a higher level of commitment but not him/her, then maybe it is time to move on.

You may think it is not at all romantic to have to go thru all these steps and thots. Shouldn't marriage or THE ONE come naturally? Like whistles and bells and you know instantly when you meet the right one? I would love that too.... but I think you have to love with both your heart and head. That will minimise a lot of heartaches later.

Sure glad that is my COA too...^^
Maybe I can write a book too......hmmmm

Evolution of my couple behaviour

Yo, another entry on myself... narcissistic hor? :p

Well, I have been thinking these few days on how much I have changed in terms of my behavior in a relationship. Started since 16...haha. I'm sure there are much changes.

I was not really into holding hands or holding waist with my first love. I was independent and boyish. Need no pampering. He complaint I was not feminine enough. That I was okay with or without love or partner. Steadfast on what I expect from a boyfriend and his behavior. I was the go-getter and winner. Never a whimper.

But as I grow older and had more relationships, I started to learn about how to behave and expect from my various partners. I learn that I should be more feminine. I learn to be romantic and create memories on special events. I learn to enjoy pampering from my boyfriends. I learn that communication is VERY VERY important in a relationship. Must always communicate your tots and feelings about your partners to them. How they make you feel, how they are upsetting you. Showing appreciation by a simple "thank you" for the time and effort they spent on you. Even for just loving me. Everyone likes to be appreciated and acknowledged. That you should show your love not only by words, but by physical contact too. A simple kiss on the cheek, a simple hug at the end of the day. I've evolved to be more mushy, more girly, know how to 撒娇 more with each relationship. Guess my bfs have all spoilt me... :p

However,some common comments they have of me was that I have the mentality of a guy. I know what I want in a relationship, never draggy, never needy. I love myself more than any of them. That I am very relax on their reins and they have all the freedom to do their things and meet their friends.

Then I guess age and things I saw changed me. I thought I should not be such a superwoman and be a "小女人" afterall. That I should place relationship as the top priority. Seems it doesn't work that way anyway. Some people find that too "sticky" or "needy". Isn't it ironic that things dun work out the way when I change my style? Maybe I should go back to how I behave in the begining.

Or maybe the challenge is for me to know when to be superwoman and when to be "小女人". But really, I can't see myself revolving just around a guy. I still can't be a "小女人". I cannot take it down that I have to be the one changing and making the relationship work. I dun think this is the way a relationship should be.

But I can't help wanting to take it up as a challenge? Hmmm..... 人很泛贱 hor?

Have to be Happy

Oh no! I was reading my prev post and I realised how sad my blog sounds now! This is very bad!

Gotta blog more on happy happenings.... say CHEESE! ^^

I think

I think when you are no longer interested in what is happening in your partner's life. The love has already died.

Tired Night

Wah... had a very tired night last night. 5 calls and the last one lasted for 3 hrs!! Haiz.
Now having gastric and feeling a bit sick. Hopefully I am okay by tml... still another 3 more day duties.. :(

Haiz, went for a threaten to commit suicide and killing her children case yesterday. She just gave birth, husband wanted to divorce her and marry anther woman. So she locked herself in her room holding a knife threaten to kill the child. Wah, used a lot of resources man. Negotiation and counseling took 3 hrs before she released her 2 yr old son and new born. Must be the stress from post natal and the fact that the husband had an affair that make her snap.

Another case of hanging attended by another colleague of mine was a 55 yr old woman who hung herself after discovering her husband had an affair too. Haiz.... soooooo sad rite? Makes one thinks of where is the promise that couples made when they are solomanised. Are people so forgetful? You know, I dun know if I will ever react that way if it was me in the situation. Maybe I'm all sane and resonable now to know that all these are silly but when you are in depression, you never know when you will just snap and do funni thing. Sigh..... tired, dun want to think so much liao.

Go play with my new laptop...haha... chaozzz

See open!

Hmm... so proud of myself these days. I've came to accept and see open the situation le.
I'm still myself and of cos my principles stays the same. Ha.. so I did not change afterall.
Just that I am now more aware of my different feelings and reactions. And I can then better control them that way.

Like what was agreed at first, we dun know how it will end.
So I should be at peace with what I am doing and how it will eventually end.

Cheers to me! ^^

命中注定

Just watched a documentary on Channel U. Its a series about lives of 2 ppl who were born on the same day, same month, same year. How can you beat the odds? :)

Today story is about a young couple. Wow, the story machiam really from a novel lor..haha.

Gary and Millie were born on the same day, same month, same year. Both had difficult childhood. Gary is genetically monochromatic. His world consist of only black and white. He was inferior of his handicap and was always compared against his brother who is the better one. He became a gangster cos they are the only ones who make him feel loved and unique.

Millie was the middle child and always felt neglected by her parents. She is very quiet and keep things to herself. Never would the 2 of them thought they will find their soul mate in each other.

As fate would have it, they both went to the same Secondary school, same class in Sec 3, same CCA and participated in NDP. Millie never had a good impression of Gary at first. He was the typical Ah Beng type. But as they spend almost everyday together and got to know each other more, a precious friendship developed. It was as if they are fated to be together and a confidant to each other. It was so sweet when they re-enact the part when they confess to each other their feelings. Gary really loved Millie.

I love the way when Gary said Millie is cute, whether in character or appearance and just seeing her smile makes his day. Whenever he is upset, he will definitely melt under Millie's smile. Soooo sweet hor? Then there was once they had a very heated quarrel and Gary decided to take a walk. He sensed Millie was nearby and true enough, they meet right in the middle of the street and collapased into each other's arms.... drama hor? LOL. And maybe they have the same birthdate and thus there is telepathy between them. They almost can find each other....Awww...

Some lucky ones will find their soul mate, some will never be found. Is it heaven-made or man-made? Haha, if heaven never make, then will have to depend on us lor... :p

But to have the chance to walk side by side is already something precious.

“因为有情，所以再苦都愿意。”

“能在人生的道路相遇与通行已经是一种缘分，好好的珍惜这份缘才不枉此生”

Love

Love came ....before you know it you are already flat on your face.
That's always the way of world isn't it?

Evolution of Love

Once upon a time when we were still young, we had this innocent and utopia idea of living happily ever after with our love ones. Girls will meet their knights in shinning armour and boys will meet their gentle and beautiful princesses.

Then comes the time when we are older and have more definite idea of love. It is no longer staying in a castle, being bullied by ugly step sisters or slaying dragons. It is about heartaches, heart racing, tears, laughter. It is about being with the person you love 24/7, about wanting to make the person happy, about waiting beside the phone for under the block for hours, about wanting to provide for the person and being reliable for your love one to lean on you.

Then we lean about the damages love can inflict the hard way. Then we start to build a fortress around us. Then we start to close up. Then we start to demand more instead of giving. In order not be hurt we stop loving. I read this article in this month CLEO magazine. One of the interviewee mentioned the negative examples of those around her.. friends and family ended up in separation or divorce caused her to lose faith in marriages. If the r/s is going to end badly, why go into one in the beginning?

Men and women are getting more selfish and self-centered. They will place themselves first before their partners. We are talking about the majority here. Infidelity is not uncommon among young couples. Is it because we are greedier? We sought to live life to the fullest? Not to have any regrets? To enjoy life to the fullest? To experience love again?

Aye, me too lar. Self-centered. Expect people to love me as much as I love them. Is expectation tolerable in a relationship? Should we still maintain the notion of "Love is giving without expecting anything in return"? Is it still feasible in our current context? Shouldn't a relationship be of equal standing? Giving and claiming as much? Is this our definition and expectation of love now? That we will turn our heads away if it doesn't work out the way we want?

Some of us will want things to fall into place before we embark on another project in life. For example, career before marriage. Actually it is the most logical approach. We have all outgrown the phrase and know that we cannot live on love alone. Assuring the dough is the way to go cos if without it you can forget about a happy marriage or relationship. In the end we love our career more than our partners. Some people derived their self-worth from their jobs too. They are in control only at their playground and no where else. So is that really such a puzzle that we will rather love our computers rather than another person?

Then after working our ass off, we will be too tired to care about another person. No problem at all that we need a little personal space to unwind and take care of ourselves first but sometimes we just take things for granted and forget to thank and appreciate those who love us. So we will want someone who comes when we need them and leave us alone when we want some "me" time, do not complain when we dun have time to spend with them, yet show us the care and concern when we need them. Hmm.... sounds too good to be true? It may just happen in the near future. You can customise your virtual partner in terms of looks, personality and what you want them to do in different situations. Well, if I have the money, maybe I will research more into this. Think this will be a multi billion venture...hahaha.

So how do you define love? And how are you doing to deal with it when it finds you? Good luck! *wink*

By GEORGE CARLIN

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider Freeways , but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.

We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things.

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.

Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

还我一片天

那天心血来潮想到 Marina South 去放风筝。拿了前一天刚买的风筝，充满期待的出门去了。路途还真够耗时,搭了地铁到 Marina Bay Station，平时的出口封住了，我沿着另一个出口到了陆面。该转左还是右呢？我决定了往右，就一直走，一直走，身边好多的建筑工程啊，原来是 IR 要来了...哈哈！Eh? 为什么好像到了快速公路还不见车站？于是我就问问身边的外国劳工...原来车站在另一边！ 唉，没办法只好走回头路，这一下子就耗了15分种。当我赶到车站时，巴士刚开走，我只好坐在那儿乖乖的等个45分钟。我想没关系，只要我能放得了风筝就可以了，哪怕我要到的那片草地没空位，我还能到公园。

巴士终于来了，我兴奋的上了车，可是迎接我的却是重重的铲泥车，高高的铁架...我那绿油油的草地呢？那能让我牵着风筝自由奔跑到蓝天白云怀抱里的草地呢？我好失望，好失望啊！那些钢铁水泥就象是一只只妖怪咀嚼了我的天空。我也不下车了，任由巴士把我送回原点。是不是不断的向昨天借一点空间，就是更好的对待明天？

还我一片天，我只要一个空间让我的风筝飞向蓝天....

14th Aug

My birthday! Eh....wiser by 1 year liao. Time files man.

Went for dinner and KTV with Ricky, Tam and gang. Too tired for part II cos of my last 3 days stint as volunteer instructor teaching First Aid in Red Cross. But...really long time never drink till drop liao..haha.

Was very surprised to be given a birthday cake by them yesterday after midnight. Gam Dong lor... tears almost flow down liao. *sob sob* I was thinking to myself if I ever will get to eat a cake this year....:p

Very happy to receive birthday greetings from friends...and my dad. He never fails to send me a sms on my birthday. :) At least this is heart warming.

Year by year pass by. Nothing much to look forward to. Live day as it is bah. Happy can liao....
Happy Birthday to me! V^^

P.S. Bought a kite today. Tml go fly kite....hehe

不值得

歌手：梦飞船

除了想你除了爱你
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记整理心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃

你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续

这感情不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情
我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你

除了想你除了爱你
hu ~我什么什么都愿意
翻开日记打开心情
hu ~我真的真的想放弃

你始终没有爱过
你在敷衍我
一次一次忽略我的感受
我真的感到力不从心
无力继续

这感情不值得我犹豫
不值得我考虑
不值得我爱过你
这种回忆不值得我提起
不值得想起
不值得哭泣
这段感情早就应该放弃
早就不该让我浪费时间找奇迹
这样的你不值得我恨你
不值得我为你而坏了心情

我决定不为你而毁了心
不为你而放弃爱情
不为你而毁了心

我决定不为你而毁了心
放弃爱你

他不爱我

歌手：莫文尉


他不爱我牵手的时候太冷清
拥抱的时候不够靠近
oh他不爱我说话的时候不认真
沉默的时候又太用心
我知道他不爱我
他的眼神说出他的心
我看透了他的心
还有别人逗留的背影
他的回忆清除的不够乾净
我看到了他的心
演的全是他和她的电影
他不爱我尽管如此
他还是赢走了我的心

我知道他不爱我
他的眼神说出他的心
我看透了他的心
还有别人逗留的背影
他的回忆清除的不够乾净
我看到了他的心
演的全是他和她的电影
他不爱我尽管如此
他还是赢走了我的心

我看透了他的心
还有别人逗留的背影
他的回忆清除的不够乾净
我看到了他的心
演的全是他和她的电影
他不爱我尽管如此
他还是赢走了我的心