Bad mood

Was feeling real bad last nite. My medic commented I looked pale while attending to a patient. So I scared him, "Yeah, I will collapse soon, see how you handle 2 patients bah!" Haha.

Felt like drinking, so in the end got a long-time frend to drive me out at nite. It was good, its great to have a shoulder to cry on and someone to hold you when you are feeling down. Just need to be wildful and sa jiao a bit >_<. Got some things sorted out too. Thanks Alex! Really appreciate tt.... :)

What do you do when you get 2 broken hearts?

Got me thinking abt this topic this afternoon. There are a lot of singles ard me. My frends, myself etc. The reason we are single? See my prev post on "Confession of 300 unmarried man". So what if some of us are longing for that part of life? Is it really by choice that we choose to stay single? The main reason I heard from frends is that they have no faith in love/relationship, that, including myself. Some have been hurt before, some find it too troublesome, some haven found The One, some just stopped looking and let love find them.

Frankly speaking, ppl at my age dun view love relationship as simple as "I love you, You love me". We know things are more complicated than that and so...... we usually tread the path of love with extreme caution. Things to take into consideration are families, frends, values, personality, compatability. "can this person take me for what I am?", "can I be myself when I am with him/her?", "Will he/she able to take my nonsense in the long run? If can, how long before he/she will blow up and can't take it anymore?", " Will our feelings for each other change with time?", "Can I accept him/her everything, warts & all?", "Am I prepared to put in effort and sacrifice for this person?", "Change some of myself to make this person happy" . So many uncertainties..... so many fears....

I have this morbid thought, "If you are going to lose it, might as well not have it in the first place". Maybe we have seen too many bad examples ard us. So, how do you put 2 fragile hearts together? Both are so scared of getting hurt, none wanted to break the comfort level they are enjoying now. Its easy for us to say, aiyah, just try lor, dun try you never know.... but how many of us are really brave enough to take that first step? Not many I guess, not even me... Untill then, I think our govt still have much to convince us the benefit and joy of starting a family....

Brain & Behaviour

Well, went for my 2nd lecture today.... talked abt brain and how it affects human behaviour. The frontal lobes of the cerebral cortex are responsible for our emotions, our personality etc and if it suffers some damaged or some changes, that may alter an indiviual's personality and his perception. So.... maybe I shan't be too persistant in retaining my personality. Maybe just like the teachings of 佛学

(extract of The Heart Sutra ) -
色不异空 空不异色色即是空
空即是色受想行识 亦复如是
.
.
.
.
.
不生不灭不垢不净
不增不减是故空中无色
无受想行识无眼耳鼻舌身意
无色声香味触法
无眼界 乃至无意识界
无无明 亦无无明尽
乃至无老死 亦无老死尽
无苦集灭道 无智亦无得 以无所得故

Nothing is really there...... However, it really really is difficult to practise it... :(

Enough of the spritual thingy.... back to hard science facts. Hmmm.... I'm gonna develop more interaction b/w my 2 hemispheres of brain. Used to be a very right-brained person, but after loads of practise, think I'm a much more balanced person now (I hope) Maybe that might change the way I do and percieve things. Am I ready for it?? Its the "identity crisis" again........ duhhhh

Confession of 300 Unmarried Man

Went to watch this local production by Action Theater. Its supposed to show insights or reasons of unmarried man in Singapore. Some reasons are already well-known but what really intrigue me was that they are actually loney ppl, shy and are little boys at heart (so cute) They long to have a companion too....

Confession of 300 unmarried man
-shy
-inferior especially those blue-collared workers (very few women would marrying down)
-dun want to drag ppl down (inferior complexity)
-can only love once
-bad experience from parents
-dun like commitment
-too comfortable to give up bachelor life
-gf's frends dun like me
-afraid of rejection
-waited too long for HDB

There are many more, but all boils down to these few core reasons.

Especially liked a segment where the actors used Conveyor belt sushi as analogy...

Love is like a conveyer belt of sushi, you picked up what attracts you and eat it. If its not your taste, put it back on the belt (yucks, dun think anyone would be tt uncivilized bah). There are so many variety to choose from, plates and plates that come right in front of you. You might not pick the first plate that comes your way cos you wanna wait and see if there is a bigger and fresher plate that will come by later. And if it doesn't, you will think of getting back the first plate. But if the first plate really comes back, you will think that it isn't as fresh as before and the uncertainty if anyone else had touched it!! (Ouch) And there will be this nudging question at the back of the mind, "Is there anything wrong with these sushi that are still on the belt? Why haven they been chosen yet?" and you wonder if other ppl are thinking the same thing as you. Ha... But maybe you haven't realised, you aren't tt fresh anymore too! Wahahaha...Up to you to interpret and digest bah. :p

This part has nothing to do with unmarried man (or maybe it does) Someone commented I dun look local when I was on my way back, he said that not only because of my dressing. I think its the same guy who commented on my bag the previous time. Hmmmm.... and he seems to know a lot of ppl ard the area. Am I looking at him thru colored lens too.... tt he is a weirdo? But sometimes you just have to protect yourself cos you never know what tt person's motive might be. *Shug* So sad..... :(

Quotes found from net

"Men are very confident people. My husband is so confident that when he watches sports on television, he thinks that, if he concentrates, he can help his team. If the team is in trouble, he coaches the players from our living room, and, if they're really in trouble, I have to get off the phone in case they call him."- Unknown

God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.- The Serenity Prayer (Reinhold Niebuhr)

Just trust yourself, then you will know how to live.- Goethe

They say men like cars and women like clothes. I definitely agree. I mean, as long as I stay in my car, what the heck do I need clothes for?- The Covert Comic

I smile! Because I don't know what the hell is going on.- Happy

No one dies a virgin, Life screws us all. - Michael J. Trent

http://www.boardofwisdom.com/

对于无回应的爱情

不再有幢景，只有无奈的惋惜......

So this is Valentine's Day

Well, over midnight liao, but.... who cares?? :p Hmm... spend my V Day with patients today. Got my first DOA case.....

Got to know one of my frend was reverted back to single status today, I meant yesterday.. Hmm... what can I say? V day, makes some people happy, some sad, some nostalgic, some loney etc etc. But to break up on V day?? Hmm... a bit "shuo bu guo qu" wor. This day might make you think silly thoughts too.... hahahha.. myself included. I was trying to rem what were the progs I had with my exs.... :p Time passed, time passed.

Yawning away liao.... think I will write more tml bah... nite. And yes, Happy Belated Valentine! :)

Morning Breeze

Was walking back from work this morning. Caught a gush of morning breeze. Hmmm..... nice feeling, cool cool de and very refreshing :) I rem I used to open my front door early in the morning to wait for my dad to be home from his night shift when I was small. Loved the fresh, sweet smell hanging in the morning air. 曾几何时空中已不再弥漫着新鲜的 morning air? Its the same with after-rain freshness. Used to love the air after the rain, but now? *shrug*

I like
Morning - morning breeze, sun rise
Evening - sunset, sky
Afternoon - blue blue sky (if have) and clouds
Raining - grey/dark sky & the romantic/诗情画意 ambience
Nite - stars and moon^_^

Organising from the right-side of the brain

Hee.. went to borrow this book that I chanced upon in Popular Bookshop. Wahhahaha... I was chuckling while reading ( I am 1/4 done, but I just had to stop and pen this down ;p). So many things I wanna write but dun know how to organise..haha.K

, some characteristics of a Right-Brainner that I've checked are: Absentminded, Clutterer, Curious, Disorganized, Easily distracted, Emotional, Fun/playful, Impulsive, Inconsistant, Indecisive etc etc. (Guess all of us will check one or the other)

This book suggest ways that a right-brainner can organised his/her space and things in the way they are tuned to. For example, he suggested pile instead of file your papers cos filing our papers are just not what we do. In fact, I have been using this system even before reading the book. I just chuck lose papers in files or folders and shelf them according to the subjects. My room and desk are forever messy. Guess I just can't stand a clutter-free desk *shudder* It becomes sort of like a security blanket for us already. Since we are absent-minded, outta sight means outta mind, we need to see the things to remind us of their existence. My desk.... although I would like it to be clutter free, fact is I clear my desk in the morning, it will revert back to its original state in the afternoon.. -_-"

Being very emotional ppl, we tend to retain all keepsakes we had to remind us of the memories, and that = loads of rubbish. Okie, the book suggested the things to be kept in a box and when the box is full, sieve out what you dun want, and if you really want to keep a little something, keep only 1 thing of that memory/event and do away with the rest. This is what I have been doing also... V^_^

Other tips to share are breaking down the task to smaller ones that we can maximise our attention span on. So for example clearing your wardrobe, you could spend the first half of the day trying all your clothes to make sure they still fits, then clearing your desk, then back to clearing away those clothes that no longer fits etc.

This book not only teaches you to organise, it also brought out some points to ponder on. Just as much I'll like to retain my "individuality", some of the traits of a right-brainner is not going to do me good. Ppl fear change, especially if they have to change themselves. I am. I was unwilling to change cos I fear I would lose my identity that I carried with me since young although it will be for the better. If I change, I will no longer be me! But as I grow older and see more, I began to losen up. I am still dealing with this "identity crisis" after 2 years or so. Guess this is a real hard barrier to break. :) What is heartening is that I've gown and matured and I am not so stubbon as to just do it my way. Life is a journey of self-discovery and I hope I am able to find the true meaning along the way.

PS. If you checked the above traits, you can grab this book for leisure reading, a good food for thought. :)

缘分

你相信缘分吗？真能遇到有缘人吗？有缘分就能在一起吗？果真有那种“就是你了！”感觉的人吗？若你是真命天 子，为何当初的感觉会变质呢？ Hmm... I am getting groggy from all my questioning le. -_-"