Nice guys vs Jerks

Hmm..... just finished making the konnyuka jelly for tomorrow's outing. Will be making the salad tomorrow morning. :)

Yo, come back to the topic of this entry.Happened to chance upon this website on attracting women. (Cannot post the URL here in case you guys out there know all the secrets. Heeee...) And there is this age old debate of "Why do Nice Guys end up Last?" At my age ar, we are all pretty open abt our views and there is no need to hide or act that we dun know anything abt that. In fact, I had discussions such as these with my guy friends and they are pretty honest abt the whole thing. Myself included.

One of friend told me he fell out of love cos the ger commented that he is too easy to get, if he "hang himself to sell" maybe she will love him more.... Duh? How do you explain this logic??? Personally, I do not agree with the ger, however, maybe I can explain this logic. Not that gers like jerks, but gers dun like wimpy guys, guys that have low-self esteem and seems needy. We dun need that. We want someone whom we can respect and relied on. Someone who can protect us and make us feel safe and secure. We also want guys who are tender and give us special attention. Attention that we know we are the privilaged ones who recieves it. Someone with confidence. But that is not the whole story....(see, told you humans are greedy animals), we also want to be the one that you would turn to when you are in trouble or when you need support. That will ensure we have a special place in your heart. (I know, I know, we are being very greedy, but whos not? So it brings back to my idea "Humans Are Greedy" heh...) Anyway, when a couple is in a r/s, it should be one of mutual respect, mutual understanding and mutual support. If you are not ready for all these, you are not ready for a long-term r/s.

We dun want jerks! We dun need ppl to 2-time us, beat us up or treat us like dirt! We have more dignity than that. Just like you guys would prefer gers who know when to be demure and supportive or to be decisive and have character, we would like guys to know when to be tender and gentle or confident and take charge.

So..... pls dun mistaken us as preferring jerks to Nice guys. We do appreciate Nice Guys who are confident and know when to show your vunerability to us...*wink*

*Pls note that the above are purely my personal views (although I would say most gers would agree with me v^_^) . Gers pls dun humptum me for disclosing the secrets wor.... :p

Where are all the good women?

Where Are All the Good Women?
by Ron Louis & David Copeland

Question: I live in a big city (Los Angeles), but there don't seem to be any women I can date here. What can I do?

Answer: This is most likely a problem of "editing out" women you could possibly interact with, before you even think about them consciously.

If you currently edit out 99% of all the women you are attracted to right away, then of course it will seem like there are no women you could be attracted to--and doing such editing is much more common than you might think.

There are two main ways men edit women out, before they even think about dating them. First (and most popular), is by telling themselves, "She would never like me." They see an attractive woman, tell themselves that "she would never like me," and edit her out of the pool of possible women they could date.

We had one student who did this constantly, and who learned a valuable lesson about it. He had seen a girl at a local dance club on a number of occasions. She was the kind of girl he liked--short, trim, with dark hair and horn-rimmed glasses. She was also about 20, in his estimation--and he was 38.

"Naturally" he assumed that she would never be interested in a guy like him. He gave himself reasons why that must be true: He was too old for her, he wasn't good looking enough, he was too fat, and so on. He then continued to wonder why there were no women out there for him to date.

As part of working with us, he posted a personals ad on the internet, looking for women in his area. He didn't get many answers, but there was one women who caught his interest.
She wrote, "I'm 20, so if that's an issue for you, you should let me know. Also, I'm bisexual, so if that's an issue, you should know upfront about it." (To put it mildly, that was NOT an issue with him.)

They emailed back and forth, exchanged pictures, and--you guessed it--it was the girl from the club. They really clicked on the phone, and in person, and in short order became lovers, and dated off and on for over a year. She once told him, "Some of the things I like about you are that you're older, mature, and you don't live with your mother!"

He later told us, "I can't help but wonder how many women like that are out there for me, but who I reject instantly, before they even reach my conscious mind, just like I did with her."
The second way men edit out women before they know them is to assume that the woman, physically attractive as she might be, would never be smart enough, interesting enough, passionate enough, or whatever enough, for him.

If these guys were to articulate this feeling, they would say something like, "Hot, stylish women are shallow, stupid, and not interested in anything except how they look. I just wouldn't get along with a woman like that."

Before you instantly decide that YOU aren't like that--you'd be happy to sleep with a vapid fashion model, tonight--be aware that many men think that they want that, but when it comes down to it, they really don't. They like the fantasy of being with a shallow, hot woman, but in reality they aren't into it. They really, truly want to be sexual with women they are attracted to, and whom they actually like.

Whether this describes you or not, a lot of men edit out women thinking that, hot though the women may be, they don't seem like someone the guy would like. Another man we know did this with a woman he met though a social group he was part of.

"She was cute, but I just assumed I wouldn't like her, because she didn't seem like the kind of woman I normally went for--she seemed really girly, and I assumed she'd be shallow and dumb." But that didn't turn out to be true. "As I spent more time with her, by accident, as we were hanging out with the same people--I saw that she was nothing like I originally thought she'd be. I really liked her and she really turned me on." They started dating and got into a relationship.

It's worth asking, how many women like that were out there for him? How many such women got "edited out" of his mental list of women he could date, because he assumed instantaneously that he wouldn't like them?

This is not to say that if you stop editing out women, all women will automatically like you, or that you will automatically like all the women you are physically attracted to. But it will help end the problem we hear from men over and over--even from men who live in cities full of hot, available women, like New York City or Los Angeles--that there are no women they can date.
If you currently edit out 99% of the women you could possibly approach, before you even think about them (and many men do), and you reduce that to only editing out 94% of possible women, you have increased your pool of possible women by a huge percentage! That's good news--it's a small change that could make a big difference.

If you understand that you have been editing out far more women than you need to, you will be able to get more women into your dating system, and get a lot more of what you want from them.

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Hahaha.....hmm... does it sound familiar? :pMaybe we should all be more open to people and stop discounting ourselves...

Changed my Skin

Haaa....spent some time changing my skin today. How you guys find the new template? Better hor?? This one machiam like having a nice catch up over a cuppa. Good mood setter. Cos the feeling I want is just like relaxing your tots in a lazy afternoon over your teabreak. Hmmmm......the feeling is GREAT! Heee...

Was reading one of my frend's blog into late last nite. Managed to catch up with his life thru his entries. Great way to stay connected with your frends. :)

Nothing happened this afternoon. Went for a mass casualty lecture at CDA yesterday. Met a lot of my batchmates and we throughly enjoyed each other's company. Haizz..... dun think we will have a chance like this when we passed out le. Haaaa.....and you know what? Almost all the gers had their hair rebonded!! So Tam suggested when we fall in that time, it will be "Rebonded hair on the Left, Non-rebound hair on the Right" Hahahhaa.....

Went to buy some shorts after the lecture yesterday. It was only then I realised my legs are full of bruises! Joyce commented that I looked like a abused woman... haa.. maybe lor, cos I sustained all these bruises while working in the ambulance. *rolleyes* So I should say CD abused me...Hahahhaa.... Now my legs has all the "5 cents, 10cents" le...... not pretty anymore... *sob sob* :p

Hmm....felt very lethagic 2day. Cannot go gym to workout and dun know what to do. Thinking of really planning my time properly and see what activities I can engage in. For example, helped out in RC, go for Salsa lessons, go for chinese instrument lessons, go for archery lessons, look out for other universities for my degree. Wah.... so many things to do.

Feeling hungry le, let me go find something to eat first..... :p

Me

Something terrible just happened to me..... yes, I was almost finishing what I wanted to write when the screen suddenly turn blank and all my work is gone!! Now I have to spend another 2 hours rewriting the whole entry again...here goes...

What a title! Yes, we are talking abt ME today. Me, myself and I. Felt damn terrible these few days. Maybe we can share some views on our 愛情觀 ?

Having a chilling period with my bf. Maybe I really dun have time to think abt what I want bah. I'm still thinking abt our problem and if there is any way to resolve it. Frankly speaking, I'm just afraid bah...... seen too many bad examples ard me... too scared and disillusioned liao.

在現在這個現實與即食的世界﹐" 夫妻本是同凌鳥﹐大難臨頭個自飛" 的例子太多了。試問我能不心寒嗎 ? 我嚮往的只是一段純真的愛情。一段沒有面具﹐沒有戒心的愛情 。就是單單純純的愛一個男人 。真正的愛是無私的吧 ? 是不求回報的吧 ? 如果你遇到了一個疼愛你的人但你覺得你不能跟他付出的一樣多﹐你會放棄嗎 ? 會覺得他應該遇到一個更珍惜他的人嗎 ? 還是會好好的享受被愛的幸福 ? 可能人都是泛賤的吧 .... 往往就是不會珍惜與享受被愛的幸福卻對那些視你于糞土的人死心塌地 。Haaa.......人可真泛賤啊 !

我也是屬於這類型的人吧﹗我祇想能全心全意的愛一個人 。能遇到一個讓我愛他多于自己的男人 。可是如果讓我遇到了﹐我往往都不會是他的最愛 。Haaa...... 真矛盾啊﹗曾有個友人說過 "In Love, either you love or you dun. You will be very selfish to one, yet you will be very generous with another. " 我覺得蠻有道理的 。張小嫻在她的一篇文章寫到

" 你相信永遠的愛情嗎 ? 世上有兩種女人 ﹐一種聰明而孤絕﹐太了解愛情的真相﹐所以不快樂。 一種天真而簡單﹐幸福的被一個男人愛着 。 你又屬於哪一種呢 ? "

我想我是屬於第一種 。但﹐ 做個簡單的女人何嘗不是種幸福呢 ? 有時﹐太過清醒並不是件好事 。如果哪天我真遇到了一個能讓我無條件愛他的人而我不是他的最愛﹐ 我寧願不要知道真相﹐就讓我相信我是他最愛的人 。有時我也想做個簡單的女人...........

PS. Just want to add an afternote after a reminder from a frend. Men actually want a ger who knows when to act blur and when to be impressive. Haaaa...... I'm not a feminist so I would agree with this too.... :p

Late Call

Haha.....finally can sit down and journal down le. Went to the hairdresser for rebounding today.......and the result is... DISASTROUS!!!! I look like a nerd!!!! -_-"...... Haizz, all because of my that auntie hairstyle lar..... makes my face bigger and longer. Cannot wash hair for 3 days. Gonna stinko my stn people le..hahhaha... :p Hopefully after the wash on third day, things would be better.

Went for a very late call the night before. Case was assault of a overstayer and her bf. Kaozz... r/s damn luan leh. Anyway, Papa Charlie cannot decide what to do and in the end drag till 9.45pm then decided to convey her to Alex Hospital. Reach stn, 10.15 le... *rolleyes*. Haizzz..... this case makes me think of a problem.... shit!

I'll end this for my work. Gonna start another one on another topic....

梁祝

妹淚為君流﹐妹心為君愁。問君你可知﹐妹的心事否?
天命總難違﹐問聲誰能援? 與君心相連﹐化蝶續情緣。

Nice? Something I wrote a few years ago inspired by "樑祝"

Dun know how to title this entry......

Wah..... a long tired day today. Kana proceeded for 3 calls!! The first one was quite interesting wor, patient kept claiming that she was alrite and there is no need to convey. But according to her family, she fell down since last night and has been in a confusion state. Hahaha... but she is not totally confused wor, when you ask her qn, she can answer. And the reason why I'm putting this entry was because she was voilent siah... She moved her hand away when I wanted to take her BP. "How can you all like that? No sick, no nothing also want to take me to hospital! You all cannot like that ar... I sue you all ar" Me :"Auntie, but your children wanted you to see doctor for check up, you fell down you know? " "I dun care, later I ask my son to sue you all, I nothing wrong want to send me to hospital. Wah, very pain ar, what you all doing with this thing on my hand huh? (it was the BP cuff) You all cannot do like this leh, I alrite you all still send to hospital. " "Okay, sorry auntie, you alrite, no sickness, we are bad guys..........Duhzz -_-"." I think I can understand why she is behaving this way. Guess she is in a state of denial. She is unwilling to face the fact that she has illness and need to be treated. WL, I dun know how to take history for this kinda patient lor.... *sweat*

Know something? I'm a very emotional woman. Everyday I have so many different tots on so many different topics that I lose focus on what to write on. I think that was the problem with my previous blog. If you do have a chance (which I dun think there is a high possibility) you would have noticed that for 1 entry of the day, I will be jumping all ard my topics *rolleyes*.

I was watching "Rules of Engagment" that is showing on Ch5 now. Sighz..... the sight of combat really makes me miss those days of my life. That rush of adreneline when you take your men to fufill the mission is just indescribable. That kind of commradeship, that kind of bonding, that kind of fear, that kind of commitment....... is just too much to describe. But I've also come to realise, if you are in the forces, you are dispensible. In fact, humans are dispensible. Look at how the terrorist can make use of the women and children in their mission. And if any counter-attack by the military will be seen as brutal, as they are only dependables. And people are still using this tactic because it works! Under that kind of stressful situation, anybody can just snapped. And you as a commander is answerable for your mens' action. Kaozzz...... you can die in the battle field and you are nobody. Haizzz... if the management (or the govt) see a bigger picture and you have to sacrifice, you have to sacrifice. To them, you are nothing. But if you dun fight, dun protect your country, who will? Who will fight for your love ones? It is not only in military context. This can be seen in every context. Some people might have been very loyal to the company but when retrenchment comes, there is no way for discussion, you go means you have to go. Who cares if you have help the company earn how much or you have put in how much effort. Just 1 blackmark, everything is gone. Come to think of it, if that is the case, then why do you work so hard for??

I think the only person who can feel that kind of feeling for combat is only Kenny. I just can't describe the feeling I have for military and protecting your country and leading your men forward. I really miss the gung-ho feeling. Hahaaa...you would have noticed that I'm a very contridicting person. I joined Red Cross (save people), I joined SAF (kill enemies), I joined Paramedics (save people), I dun like life (but paramedics save lives). Hmm......I did ask myself before, if there is a war, would I kill or would I save?*scratch* Hahhaa... I would very much like to find out the answer too :)Think will continue some other time bah.... tml still working day. Good nite!

Change

"Have you ever met someone who wasn't happy unless he or she was going through some kind of massive change? Perhaps there are a few individuals in this world who thrive on uncertainty, enjoy feeling insecure and love to have their routines disrupted. But I think it would be safe to say that most people resist change, especially when it affects an idea, position or practice that is near and dear to them.

Although people in leadership roles are often called upon to be agents of change, I have found that leaders resist change as much as followers do. That poses a big problem in this world of rapid transition and constant flux. As I read in the book, Developing the Leader Within You, " unchanged leaders equal unchanged organisations." My goal in posting this is not to teach you how to enact change or tell you when you need to change. I merely want to help you understand what most people " including many leaders " think about change. Here are six key observations:

1 Most people change just enough to get away from their problems, not enough to solve them. They change just enough to escape; and as soon as they escape, they say, "I'm OK now . I don't have to do anything else." Unfortunately, this is like painting a rusty car. Sooner or later, the paint wears off and the rust has only gotten worse.

2 Most people want to change their circumstances to improve their lives instead of changing themselves to improve their circumstances. Let's say you came to me, as leaders often do, and said, " Sharky, give me some leadership ideas so I can change the people of my organisation." Well, I'm happy to offer leadership advice, but not so you can change someone else. If I give you advice, I'd like it to change you. Because if I can change you, your organisation will change too. As I'm fond of saying, " People do what people see."

3 Most people do the same thing the same way and expect different results. I see it happen all the time: People keep doing the same thing the same way, and yet they expect something to get better. When you want something you"ve never had, you have to do something you've never done.

4 Most people are willing to change, not because they see the light, but because they feel the heat. Read this carefully. As a leader, you better change when you see the light because if you wait and change when you feel the heat, it's too late. Leaders go first. I know, sometimes you don't want to go first, especially when it comes to change. But you have to that's what it means to lead.

5 Most people are unwilling to pay the immediate price of change; therefore, they do not change and pay the ultimate price. Change is uncomfortable. It's unsettling. Sometimes, it's downright painful. But in the long run, the alternative is often much, much worse.

6 Most people see change as a hurtful thing that must be done, instead of a helpful thing that should be done. Not all change is good. Some changes are based on bad ideas. Others are self-serving to the people who enact them. But as someone once said: "We cannot become what we need to be by remaining what we are."

Did you see yourself in any of these six observations? If so, decide today to change the way you think about change. Why is this so important? Because when change is successful, you will look back at it and call it growth. If you do not ride on the waves of change, you will be beneath it.........."

This is something 1 of my fellow forummer posted in the forum. I tot this would be a good illustration to the previous entry about how the people in my stn view the new OIC. Maybe his vision might not be so great, but it is true that a true leader has to have foresight and the courage to drive the changes that he forsee will benefit in the long run.

詩情畫意

Was think of reviving back those good old days where I will write poems. Might even be doing some entries in chinese. And I think I will post a lot of nice articles that has mi thinking abt it...Below are 2 of them...

春天的百花有如相見時的容顏
夏天的揮汗滋養著乾涸的心田
秋天的楓紅數不盡殷殷的幾許思念...
冬天的飄雪讓我們相擁更深！
獻自己於四季交替變幻的塵世間，
知音雖難尋但確佇立於山巒炊煙...
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一個女孩子在電郵上說，她和相戀四年的男朋友分手，因為她愛上了另一個男人，可惜這個男人很花心，她只是他其中一個女朋友，她愛得很辛苦，卻捨不得放手。她問自己，放棄一個很愛她的男人而去愛一個不愛她的男人，這是錯的嗎？她放棄一個很愛她的男人，但她不愛他，既然如此，何必後悔？你不愛他，他多麼愛你，他待你多麼好，他的條件多麼優秀，也是徒然。自己不要的東西，為甚麼還要可惜呢？既然你甘心情願放棄，你就沒資格可惜。他曾是那麼慷慨地等待你，他本來是你的，你自己選擇不要，那就永遠不要可惜，反正你對他已經沒有以往的感覺。世上有很多東西是可以? 齒^的，譬如良知，譬如體重，但是不可挽回的東西更多，譬如舊夢，譬如歲月，譬如對一個人的感覺。你曾經愛過他，但是那份感覺已經逝去了，無論多麼努力也是無法挽回的。 放棄一個很愛你的人並不痛苦；放棄一個你很愛的人，那才痛苦；愛上一個不愛你的人，那是同樣痛苦。也許你還年輕，等你年老一點，你就不會那麼笨，放棄一個愛你的人而去愛一個不愛 你的人，那時你已經沒有太多青春去追尋一個遙不可及的夢。

我們常常問自己愛的人：「你會不會變？」我們害怕他會變心。 我們害怕愛情會變！
首先改變的往往不是一個人的心，而是他對事情的看法。兩個人相愛的時候，大家對事情的看法幾乎是一致的。因為看法一致，所以我們更加珍惜對方，更加覺得這段愛情是不可多得的。然而，當其中一方成長得比較快，兩個人對事情的看法開始有點差異。

以前，當他說：「我覺得這件事──」她會點頭同意，說：「對呀，我也這樣認為。」
現在，當他說：「我覺得這件事情──」的時候，她會搖頭說：「我不同意你的看法。」他覺得她不再崇拜他，不再欣賞他，不再像以前那麼愛他。

其實她還是愛著他，她沒改變，只是她對事情的看法改變了，而他卻沒有改變。兩個人的差異愈來愈大，對事情的看法愈來愈不一樣，她開始重新考慮他是否那個陪她一起走人生路的人。
她對他的愛漸漸改變，她的心開始變了。先變的不是愛情，而是觀點。想情人永不變心，你要不斷重新認識改變了的對方，重新欣賞改變了的對方。

I agree totally with this article. When a r/s changes, more often than not, it is not the love tt has changed, but the perception of the 2 person. Once your goals and objectives are different, it is very diff for 2 ppl to be together forever. Encountered this episode myself. Haa...think we still have yet to solve the prob. But was hoping tt we will be on the same track again..haa
Will try to create some poems ba....hopefully I can still do it... ^_^

Return to Innocence

Return To Innocence

That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion
Love - Devotion
Feeling - Emotion

Don't be afraid to be weak
Don't be too proud to be strong
Just look into your heart my friend
That will be the return to yourself
The return to innocence

If you want, then start to laugh
If you must, then start to cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny
Don't care what people say
Just follow your own way
Don't give up and use the chance
To return to innocence
That's not the beginning of the end
That's the return to yourself
The return to innocence

Don't care what people say
Follow just your own way
Follow just your own way
Don't give up, don't give up
To return, to return to innocence.

If you want then laugh
If you must then cry
Be yourself don't hide
Just believe in destiny.

For years, I've been fighting to hold on to my innocence and failed. I've been told times and times again I'm too navie and will be "eaten" in the cruel society. Isn't it most wonderful to be your true self without the fear of being hurt or isolated? Come to think of it, you only live once, why make things difficult for yourself? Want to be happy? Be happy. Want to be sad? Be sad. Easier said than done though heeee.... I'm willing to show ppl my true self and not to be afraid to show my true feelings. You can return back to innocence only and only if you are willing to expose your vunerability to other people. Are you ready for it?